


Nowhere Kids

by Kahnah



Series: Project NEON [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sequel, This is mostly fluff though, as of now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 42,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snippets and extra scenes for the Lamp Halo AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Timeless Road

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> I told you I couldn't let those charas go, so I will post different scene into this thing here.  
> If you got a request or a prompt let me know and I will consider this!
> 
> Also - spoilers for Lamp Halo and Novocaine  
> d'uh

**I can't find the prompt anymore but it was along the lines of**

**"Write a scene in which a minute passes"**

**So this plays right after the last chapter in Novocaine!**

 

Timeless Road

 

Ray woke up to the soft noise of the engine. He was pretty sure it was the same noise that had lulled him to sleep in the first place.

Opening his eyes, he found everything nearly pitch black. Only the red light of the display showed him that it was 4:11am. It took him a while of lazily blinking until he could make out Geoff behind the wheel. His guardian seemed tired, but mostly relaxed, one arm propped against the door to rest his head on his fist as he drove without any hurry.

For a while Ray simply watched him, followed the red lights painting his face, and knew that a few hours before he had been smeared with fake blood, acting like he was dead. And Ray had clung to him, trying hard to pretend it was real.

That all seemed like it had been days ago. 

He still couldn't believe that it was over. That all their hard work had finally paid out.

There were still traces of it. He could see fake blood smeared on Geoff’s white shirt from where he had hastily changed his clothes.

His jacket was wrapped around Ray himself and he pulled it closer. It helped against the morning chill creeping into the car, settling in his bones after this exhausting day.

Someone had reclined his seat so that he laid more comfortably and now he fought to sit up. His muscles were tense and protested against the movement, but Geoff was looking up now. His guardian smiled at him and he couldn’t help himself but return it. It was probably dopey and tired but earnest. It felt good.

Geoff turned back to the street and Ray also looked out.

They were traveling through some kind of wasteland, the highway stretching miles and miles ahead of them with no other cars in sight. A crescent moon was close to disappearing behind the horizon, drenching everything in a cold and eerie light.

It had some kind of beauty to it, something cleansing.

A new beginning.

Rubbing his face, he pulled his legs against his chest to also wrap Geoff’s jacket around them before he turned around.

By the silence he had figured they were the only ones awake but he was wrong. The other four had crammed themselves in the backseat, and under normal conditions it would be a tight fit, but they had managed.

Michael had curled himself into Jack’s lap, his head leaned against his guardian’s chest. He was the only one sound asleep, steady breaths passing between his parted lips. His beanie wasn’t sitting right anymore and Ray could clearly see the bandage covering his forehead.

Jack was just pulling the blanket around the boy again as he noticed Ray. He was also smiling at him and seemed just as tired as Geoff, but happy.

Ray figured they were all happy, and that was a nice feeling.

Jack leaned his head against the back of the seat and held Michael close, so Ray left them to it. 

Next to them sat Ryan and Gavin. They were both awake, he could see their faces in the moonlight even though Ryan was blinking sluggishly and his lids appeared heavy. Either he had also been asleep before or was going to any minute now. His head was leaned against the window as he watched the road pass them by.

Gavin was tugged into his side, arms wrapped around the other as he nuzzled against his chest. One of Ryan’s arms was holding him close, his thumb rubbing soft circles into his shoulder in a nearly absentmindedly motion. Gavin appeared wide awake, watching the sky outside and when Ray followed his gaze, he found the darkness dusted in stars. 

Out here without the artificial city lights it was breathtaking.

Laying back down in his seat, Ray let his eyes travel back to Geoff, and perhaps Geoff had waited for him to do that, because their eyes met instantly.

They both held each other's gaze for as long as possible before Geoff had to look back at the street, but it had something timeless to it. Something that didn’t need any words and Ray smiled contently.

He watched as Geoff swapped his grip on the wheel to reach out to him. Ray let him card his free hand through his hair and pulled Geoff’s jacket closer again.

It was 4:12 in the morning and he closed his eyes.


	2. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s my birthday,” Gavin said suddenly, and Ryan froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A question that definetely needs answering; how the frick were birthdays handled?!
> 
> Well, first we have to go through angst of course
> 
> Plays shortly after the end of Lamp Halo

It wasn’t even dawn, the sun nothing more than a faint silver memory over the horizon as Ryan walked into the kitchen of the base.

Geoff was already there, clinging to a mug of coffee and his head lying on the table. Jack would come in soon enough; he had gone out to grab some breakfast for when the lads would wake up later. They would spend the day alone while they were driving out of the city to settle a deal.

They could take care of themselves; it would be stupid to worry.

So Ryan got himself some coffee as well and leaned against the counter, as it was too early for anything else as they waited for Jack. In all honesty, it was incredible that he didn’t hear small feet from the silence they had going here, but maybe he had dozed off.

He flinched when Gavin appeared next to him. He was blinking owlishly up to him, hair disheveled and wearing a shirt that went way past his knees.

“Hey there,” Ryan said, surprised, and the boy yawned as an answer.

He reached his arms up and was picked up so that he could bury his nose in Ryan’s neck. He let him, making sure to have a tight grip on him while still being able to drink his coffee. Gavin yawned again before sighing, and Ryan looked down to him. “What are you already doing awake?”   
“Heard you,” the boy mumbled, eyes closed and head nodding. “Tea.”

“Okay.” He placed the boy on his hip, holding him with one arm as he began the routine preparations.

Gavin watched, unimpressed, his hair tickling Ryan’s jaw as he reached for another mug.

“‘s Geoff dead?”

“I’m fine, buddy,” came Geoff’s voice from the table. “Peachy actually.”

“Geoff is just tired,” Ryan explained, and noticed that Geoff’s coffee had apparently vanished without him lifting his head. Maybe he was able to absorb it by touch.

“Also tired,” Gavin sighed.

“Why didn’t you stay in bed? It’s too early for you.”   
“But later you’ll be gone,” the boy protested weakly. “You’ll be out all day!”

“I told you that last week already,” Ryan said as he waited for the water to boil. “We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

“I know but that’s such a long time.”

Rolling his eyes, Ryan took his own mug again and tried to ignore Geoff’s soft gasp. “Buddy, it’s too early for you to be this adorable.”

Gavin turned his head to watch Geoff but didn’t answer. He just nuzzled his cheek against Ryan’s shoulder, and probably fell back asleep, because for the longest time he was quiet. Ryan still finished making his tea so that when he woke, he could bring the boy back to bed.

“It’s my birthday,” Gavin said suddenly, and Ryan froze.

In the corner of his eye he could see how Geoff’s head finally whipped up from the table and only slowly could he face the other’s horrified look. It was actually kinda funny; Geoff’s mouth opened dramatically as if he wanted to blurt something out but nothing ever came. He and Ryan just stared at each other for the longest time as the words slowly sunk in.

“I’m slipping.”   
Nobody had ever said something about birthdays. They only knew the boys’ ages from their files! Fuck, Ray hadn’t even known what Christmas was!

“Ryan, don’t let me fall! I’m slipping, Ryan!”

And maybe it made sense. Maybe if any of them remembered their birthdays it would be Gavin, but why today? Of all the days… it had to be the one where they were all gone!

“Ryan, my shirt! You’re gonna see my bum!”

Finally Gavin’s voice registered to him and he looked down, finding the boy halfway towards the floor but clinging with all the strength he had. Quickly, Ryan picked him back up and tried not to feel too bad over the reproachful look he got.

“What do you mean, it’s your birthday?” he asked.

“That’s the day I was born,” Gavin explained. “Not today but nine years ago.”

“I know wha-” He shook his head, figuring it was his fault for asking a stupid questions. Instead he threw a helpless look towards Geoff, who slowly stood up.

“You should have said so sooner, buddy.”   
“But before it wasn’t my birthday,” Gavin protested. “It’s just today, Geoff.”

“I get that but if we would have known, we could have thrown you a little party.”

“Oh.” The child fell silent, thinking about it real hard before shaking his head. “That’s okay. I don’t want a party.”

“But it’s your birthday!”

“I know, that’s what I just said!”

“You should have told us,” Ryan said to him and Gavin fell quiet. He threw glances from one to the other before growing shy, ducking his head.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “You can put me down now.”   
Ryan slowly did but didn’t let him run off. “Can we at least get you something?”

“Can you give me my tea?”

He handed the mug to him but Gavin was still blushing under their combined gazes. He seemed to shrink away, shaking Ryan’s hand off as he slowly creeped towards the door. “Can I go back to bed now?”

Ryan nodded and watched as the kid nearly fled from the kitchen. It only took a few seconds until Geoff shoved him.

“How could you not know it was his birthday?”   
“He didn’t tell me!”

“Well, go after him!”   
“What am I supposed to say?”

“How about apologizing that no one will be here on his fucking first birthday he has here!”

“Fuck!” But he was out of the kitchen and down the hallway in a heartbeat. Up the stairs he could hear a door close and he hurried after the boy. When he stepped into his room, Gavin was just placing his mug carefully next to his lamp before looking up. “Did you forget something, Ryan?”

He shook his head but now the boy was staring at him, expecting him to say something and he didn’t even seem to understand what was going on.

“How about we sit down for a moment, kiddo.” He gesticulated to the bed and Gavin sat down, looking up to him.

“I am sorry,” Gavin said quickly, his fingers playing with each other. 

Crouching down in front of him, Ryan asked, “What are you sorry about?”   
“I made people sad because it’s my birthday,” he explained. “I didn’t know that would happen, I swear! I shouldn’t have said anything but I looked at the date this morning and it reminded me and I just… I shouldn’t just babble without thinking.”   
“No, kiddo. You got this a bit mixed up.”

Gavin blushed, shaking his head. “Sorry…”

Oh, fuck that. “I’ll explain this to you, okay? Is that alright with you?” Ryan offered and the boy was quick to nod.

“We are not sad that it’s your birthday, I promise! We are sad because we are not here to celebrate it with you, okay?”

“But I told Geoff that I didn’t want a party!”

“What about a cake or presents? You surely want presents, right?”   
“No!” Gavin insisted. “I don’t!”

Confused, Ryan hesitated. “Why?”   
“I don’t want them, I told you!”

“Bu-” A knock on the door interrupted him and Geoff looked inside.

“Sorry, but Jack is here.”

“You guys have to go,” Gavin told them and nearly sounded a bit relieved. The bad thing was, that he was right. This deal was too important to pass up on and not on such a short notice.

Standing up, Ryan squeezed the boy’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re gonna be alright?”   
“Of course!” he chirped. “Be careful out there!”

With a short glance over his shoulder, Ryan went outside and tried to ignore Geoff’s apologizing look. There was really nothing they could do about this now.

The boy had told them too late, and maybe they could talk about this in the evening or the next morning. Surely they could organize a little something.

That didn’t stop him from being quiet and moody for the whole deal, but that was okay. Quiet and moody was kind of in his job description as he stood behind Geoff, arms crossed over his chest and staring down whoever dared to say a word.

Today it worked like a charm, even though he was maybe not paying as much attention as he should. All in all he stood before a big problem: just like Christmas, Gavin would expect a present. Even if the boy said he didn’t want one, that wasn’t really an option.

But christmas hadn’t come so damn surprisingly! He had days,  _ weeks , _ to prepare, to brainstorm and in the end he had walked into the planetarium and bought that damn lamp. 

And hey, it had been a hit, a right choice. The boy was in love with it so how was he supposed to top that?

Fucking great question! Maybe he shouldn't get him something, after all Gavin had said he wouldn’t want any presents but Ryan hadn’t even finished that thought before he could feel a glance from Jack. Fuck, sometimes he was sure the other could read his thoughts.

So okay, not an option.

What then?   
He was still brooding over that in the early afternoon when they got back in the car and drove off. For a while he was ready to just ask the other two, but he could already tell that Geoff would get angry and Jack would explain to him that he was the one who knew Gavin the best.

Really not what he needed right now.

Frowning, he looked out of the window and pondered some more.

He didn’t return to the base with the others; instead he took his own car and headed down into the city in hope for any kind of inspiration.

When he finally returned, it was nearly 6pm and all in all he was tired. What a stressful day.

At least he got his present in a big plastic bag even though it was not wrapped; he really didn’t have the patience for this right now.

As always Gavin could somehow tell it was him and appeared in the doorway of the living room. “Ryan!”

“Hey the-” He couldn’t even finish the sentence before Gavin’s expression changed. The boy looked  _angry_ of all things!   
“What is that?” he wanted to know, pointing at the plastic bag.

“Your… well, your present.”

“I told you not to!” Gavin protested immediately. He actually stomped with one of his tiny feet. “Ryan, why don’t you listen?”

“But…” He was a kid! Kids loved presents!

Gavin was now crossing his arms in front of his small chest and Michael appeared next to him. He instantly started to glare at Ryan as if he was asking how he dared to make Gavin upset. He wasn’t even sure why Gavin was upset about a fucking  _present_ on his fucking  _ birthday! _

So Ryan simply stared back, feeling completely helpless, and it didn’t help when Ray also popped up. The youngest didn’t seem too impressed with the whole thing, a Xbox controller still in his hands.

“Gavin, I don’t understand,” he finally said because he really didn’t.

But Gavin wasn’t answering, he had his lips tightly pressed together, but his anger was fading. He threw glances towards Michael and Ray before he grew sad, and now Ryan really didn’t know what to think anymore.

“I’m going to bed,” he simply said and marched up the stairs. Dumbfounded, Ryan watched him before he noticed how Michael stepped closer.

“Don’t be mean to Gavin!”

“I wasn’t mean to Gavin! I don’t know why he’s upset!”

“People get upset when you are mean to them, that’s what Jack said,” Michael explained to him. “So you were mean to Gavin.”   
“I wasn’t-” He shook his head, knowing this would get him nowhere. 

Ray stepped up, tugging at Michael’s sleeve. “We nearly got that achievement, Michael…”

“We’ll get it, don’t worry.” And with another glare towards Ryan, Michael added, “Be nice!”

Ryan watched how both of them headed back into the living room, and okay, waking up this morning he hadn’t thought he would get scolded by Michael, but here he was.

Slowly, he made his way up the stairs and hesitated for a long moment in front of Gavin’s door. What was he even supposed to say? 

Sighing, he knocked before stepping in, and found Gavin huddled in his blanket on the bed. The boy briefly peeked out before hiding again and Ryan placed the plastic bag on the floor.

“Gavin? Please talk to me.”

“I was talking to you but you didn’t listen!” came it muffled from him.

“I really don’t understand. You don’t want any presents for your birthday?”   
“No! I said that but you still did it!”

“I thought you’d like it…” Ryan admitted helplessly. He came closer, crouching down in front of the bed. “Can you please explain to me what’s going on? Are you mad at me?”   
He unraveled the boy until he could see his face and felt horrible when Gavin actually glared at him. The boy was still upset, his eyes slightly red rimmed as if he had tried not to cry.

“A little,” Gavin admitted, and okay, he hadn’t expected that to hurt as much as it did.

“Because I didn’t listen when you said you didn’t want a present?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Gavin next to him so that they could talk properly. “Will you explain to me why you don’t want any presents?”

Sniffing, Gavin rubbed his flushed face but couldn’t quite look at him. “Two weeks ago I said that it would be my birthday soon.” And he had to recognized the panicked look on Ryan’s face because he quickly added, “Not to you! I told it Michael and Ray!” He frowned, pulling his legs against his chest. “Michael got really, really sad about it but I am not sure why. He said that he hated birthdays, that birthdays were bad! But I always liked birthdays! I tried to tell him about balloons and cake and presents but I only made it worse and he got even sadder! And Ray… Ray never had a birthday in his life. Michael left the room and Ray asked me to explain what you did on a birthday and I did and he also got upset!” Now he looked up. “Everyone got upset when I said that it was my birthday and I know that Michael and Ray will get upset when they see that I get a party or presents and I don’t want that.”

Sighing, Ryan carded a hand through the messy hair of the child. “Gav, they have their own birthdays when they will get presents.”   
“But they don’t know when that is!” Gavin protested. “And if they don’t get a birthday, I don’t want one either!”

Ah, now it finally made sense. As much sense as Gavin’s thoughts sometimes did. Thinking about it, he figured he could understand his reasonings and leaning back against the wall, he pondered over it. Gavin watched him, still fighting a little with tears.

“So what if we made up a birthday for them?” Ryan offered but Gavin shook his head.

“That’s cheating.”   
“What about an unbirthday then?”

“But wouldn’t that be every day besides the actual birthday?”

“What if we chose a very special unbirthday to celebrate?”

Gavin fell silent but Ryan could tell that he was thinking hard about it. In the end the boy nodded. “I think that’s fair.”

“How about you tell Jack about this idea in the morning and you can figure something out?”   
“Yeah, I’d like that very much!” And the smile was back, the kid jumping on the bed in excitement. “Do you think we could all have the same unbirthday? Is that alright?”   
“I am sure it will be.”   
“Okay!” The boy grinned up to him before turning towards the plastic bag. “What did you get me, Ryan?”   
“Guess you have to wait for your unbirthday.”   
“It’s still my birthday though,” Gavin reminded him. “You could get me another present for my unbirthday.”   
“I think that defeats the purpose of the whole discussion we just had.” But he nodded towards the present and Gavin raced towards it. It was bought already and if the boy wanted they could just pretend that it was a normal present. An expensive normal present but who really cared? They made millions on the last heist.

Gavin gasped from the floor, “Is that a telescope?”

“I guess it is.” Getting up, Ryan sat down beside him, knowing it was his job to build that thing now.

“A real one? One I can look through?”

“If we build it right, it should be.”

“Woah!” Gavin watched amazed as he opened the box and gladly held the parts out for him as they got to work.

* * *

 

 

“That’s a great idea, Gavin,” Jack told him the next day. Picking the boy up, he sat him on the counter in front of him. “What about the day we got you guys? Do you think that would work?”   
“It would be perfect, Jack!” the boy agreed quickly. “We could all celebrate together, right?”

“Of course. But… are you sure you want to give up your birthday?”

Nodding, Gavin said, “I want it! That way we would be a bit like triplets.”   
“I guess so.” Chuckling, he flicked the kid beneath the chin. “Happy birthday, Gav.”   
It would be the last time he would hear those words. 

He didn’t regret it a single moment.

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go!
> 
> Next week we see a scene between Lindsay and Ray!  
> Until then!


	3. Lindsay & Ray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Congrats, sweetheart.”

Lindsay was waiting in Geoff’s living room. They had been called here for a quick meeting about the heist going tomorrow, just some final touchups. It was still a little strange to her.

The final meetings would usually be held in private with the core crew and didn’t necessary include a meeting.

They would talk about the job, yeah. But they would do it while eating massive amount of junk food, even drinking a beer or two before trailing off sooner or later.

She always felt a bit out of place but it was getting better with time.

Looking around, she waited for Michael to return with the chips while Gavin sat next to her, mindlessly tapping on his phone. He always looked so busy but she could clearly see that he was playing a game and was constantly losing.

He was a weird guy, but they were all weird in their ways, and she felt out of her depth a lot. It was worth it, though even though she knew she was still supervised. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out but it was to be expected. 

She could be a cunning plan of the Corpirate after all. Not that she was.

She was just happy to have a roof over her head, some work, and a meal. Michael went so far as to call it her home, but she wasn’t that far yet.

Baby steps. Just like right now.

Lindsay startled as Ray plopped down in her lap. “Um, Ray?”

“Hm?” He grunted distractedly as he picked up a controller and started up a game of Tetris, apparently without a worry in the world.

“What are you doing?”

“Playing Tetris.”

“No, I mean…” She trailed off as he became fully focused on his game, instead looking to Gavin for help. Gavin, however, was looking at the two of them in awe, quickly lifting his phone and snapping a picture. His fingers moved over the screen like a blur and that only made her more nervous.

“Gavin?” Anything else she was going to ask was drowned out by the loud steps of Geoff, who stumbled into the living room and gasped as he saw Ray and Lindsay. 

“Holy shit…” he mumbled in awe.

“Aren’t they cute, Geoff?” Gavin whispered, a grin on his face.

“They are!” Geoff whispered back, before smiling down at Lindsay. “Congrats, sweetheart.”

Lindsay wasn’t quite sure what that meant but she felt warm. Ray had been reserved, had been outright jealous, and had clung to Michael like a second skin for a long time. She had never wanted to squeeze between those three, knew that it wasn’t her place, but here he was now, slumping back against her shoulder.

Looking up to Geoff, she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one today.  
> Canadiantardis requested a scene between Lindsay and one of the Lads and Rachel got this idea.  
> Lindsay and Ray, man. I could tell you stories about them. Ray is a clingy little thing who does not want to share his Michael with anyone that isn't Gavin.
> 
> Next week will be a Jack&Michael scene; "Sun"


	4. Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn’t take long walking down the hallway before Jack looked down and huffed, “Why are you staring at me?”  
> “I’m going to see your apartment,” Michael told him and grinned so brightly that it would make Gavin jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys and welcome to a very special version!
> 
> As many of you know, I am highly influenced by songs and for Lamp Halo I used a song by Sleeping At Last for each character. 
> 
> Sun, Pluto, Neptune, Saturn, Mars, Mercury
> 
> Each character will have a chapter focusing on them, titled after their song.
> 
> We start with Sun - Jack because Jack and Michael fluff was requested by situationoverload and I think we could all use some more Jack in our life.

**Sun**

 

_ With golden string _

_ our universe was clothed in light. _

_ Pulling at the seams, _

_ our once barren world now brims with life _

  
  


Michael tried very hard not to jump up and down and rather act nonchalantly. But how was he suppose to do that?

The elevator was moving too slow, stopping on other floors to let people in and out and just wouldn’t reach their goal!

Jack next to him didn’t seem to notice that they were apparently in the world’s slowest elevator. He was searching his pockets before finding his keys and that was it. He was going to see Jack’s apartment!

He was going to see where his guardian lived!

None of them had ever gone home with them but here he was, the first of the three! Not only that; he was going to spent the night there!

He had been out with Jack before they heard about some stupid heist from the Corpirate and now the streets were crawling with the LSPD.

Too risky to drive through there now, Jack had said. We should stay hidden, at least for today.

And now here they were, driving up with the world’s slowest elevator and Michael’s head was spinning.

He was going to see the  _ apartment _ _,_ he would  _sleep there _ and in the morning they would have  _ breakfast together! _ Sometimes when Jack was really early at the base they would do that as well but Gavin and Ray were always with them.

This time it would just be the two of them!

With a  _ding_ the doors opened and Jack moved. Michael made sure to keep up and stayed right next to him.

It didn’t take long walking down the hallway before Jack looked down and huffed, “Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m going to see your apartment,” Michael told him and grinned so brightly that it would make Gavin jealous.

“You’re expecting way too much, pumpkin. I didn’t even clean it beforehand.”

That didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if it would be messy or not or that the hallway they walked through was dingy.

It wasn’t the most prestige neighbourhood but Jack had already told him that he was looking for something better.

What matter was that it was Jack’s space!

If he would have known where to go, he would run ahead to hurry this whole thing up but so he was forced to match Jack’s pace.

At least not for long because sure enough his guardian stopped in front of the apartment 7C.

Unlocking the door, he reached inside to switch the light on before holding the door open. “Go ahead then.”

And suddenly he found himself being shy. That was strange, he usually didn’t do shy, most of all not around Jack but after a reassuring nod from him, Michael slowly walked inside.

The foyer was small and narrow, a single lamp enough to bring in a warm light. The mirror on the left made it a bit bigger and Michael stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do next.

Behind him Jack closed the door with a chuckle. “Please take off your shoes.”

“Sure.” He untied his shoes and put them on the side like Jack did and then followed him inside. They entered a tiny kitchen but Michael smiled at the look of it. It seemed well used but clean and on one wall were photographs.

Stepping closer, he saw a way younger Geoff and Jack, saw places they had visited and then himself in a tuxedo. Gavin was holding his hands, the green dress and the wig already on him.

That had been right before they had gone out to get Cain.

It seemed so long ago.

There were more photographs, some he remembered Jack taking and others he couldn’t tell.

Him and Ray on the couch, an intense look on their face as they held on to the Xbox controllers. The three of them asleep in the pillow fort.

“You can look around,” Jack said and Michael turned towards him.

His guardian seemed amused as he watched, leaning against a kitchen counter. “I still have to call Geoff and let them know we’re alright.”

“Are you sure?”

“I know your room, it seems only fair that you know what my apartment looked like.”

That seemed to be right and still Michael hesitated a little before stepping out of the kitchen. There wasn’t really all too much to the apartment anymore. He opened one door to find Jack’s bedroom but didn’t want to look through there, didn’t want to be too noisy.

The next door led to the living room and instinctively he loved the room. It was the biggest one, on the floor was dark laminate that fitted well with the beige walls. The couch looked comfy and when Michael flicked the light on, he saw photo albums on the coffee table.

He took one in his hands but found it empty before he noticed the box on the floor. It was full with pictures Jack had taken around the base.

He sat down and flipped through them. Most were ridiculous, Gavin and Ray pulling faces, the mess they made of the kitchen the one time they decided to cook for themselves, their first christmas - old memories that Michael already adored.

“I wanted to put them in the albums but got carried away,” Jack said behind him and Michael only briefly looked up before going back to the box.

“You surely take a lot of photos.”

“Yeah, Ryan would kill me if he’d knew about this. Too much evidence, you know?” He was leaning over the back of the couch to watch as well and Michael could see him smile in the corner of his eye.

He smiled as well.

“You even got some of him, I’m impressed!”

“Gavin asked me to do it,” Jack told him. “I’m still trying to snatch one with both of them in it but yeah… you know how Ryan is.”

Michael nodded slowly before picking up the Ray and Gavin photo again. “Would it be alright if I’d take this one with me? I could pin it to my wall.”

“Take as many as you like.” Jack’s heavy hand rested on his head before he pressed a short kiss to his curls. “Photos are important and I think they are worth the risk, even if Ryan wouldn’t agree. Look at you, you’ve already grown so much in that short time.”

“I guess…” Michael mumbled before huffing. “You sound old when you say it like that!”

“Maybe.” Ruffling his hair, Jack stood again. “I’ll get us something to eat.”

“Yeah, okay.” He watched Jack go and turned back around to search for pictures he could take for himself. He was halfway through when he hesitated and stared at the pile.

Jack wasn’t on any of those, he realized. He was the one taking the photos and besides some reflections and some group shots there were none.

With a sudden clarity he yearned for a Jack photo to pin next to his bed. Maybe he could ask for one of those big frames to put them all in, to plaster the whole wall with them.

Jack had said that photos were important so it had to be right.

Letting his finger travel over the faces of Ray and Gavin, he thought he might understood why. They already looked different, Gavin had shorter hair now, Ray’s was longer than on the photo.

How would they look like in a year? In five?

Would they still be together then?

With great care, Michael put the photos back before standing up. He felt strange and if he knew the word melancholic he would use it now but for now he was just a bit confused.

Walking through the tiny foyer, he stood in the doorway towards the kitchen and looked inside.

Jack hadn’t noticed him yet, he was rummaging through the fridge, cursing as he didn’t find what he was looking for and without really thinking about it, Michael reached for his phone.

“Jack?” he called and snatched a photo when his guardian looked up.

It wasn’t very good, the movement making it blurry and the light of the fridge made the contrast all weird but still he smiled.

He had a photo of Jack and Jack alone! No one else of the crew probably had that!

He was also the one in his apartment right now and the knowledge felt warm in his chest.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked.

“I wanted a picture of you and couldn’t find one!”

For a second it actually looked like Jack blushed and Michael grinned. He hurried into the kitchen to show him the photo and his guardian seemed amused by his eagerness.

“I would have hold still if you told me, pumpkin.” 

“It’s fine! I’ll ask Gavin to print it out! It’s already my favorite one of the bunch!”   
Jack laughed at that before taking the phone in his hand and crouching down next to Michael. “I think we can make a better one.”   
“Bu-”

Jack flipped the camera and suddenly both of their faces were on the screen. They could both watch as Michael’s eyes widened in wonder, obviously not informed about this feature.

“Take the photo! Quick, Jack!” he called as if there was a timer that would ruin the moment and Jack chuckled next to his ear.

The arm of his guardian was warm as it wrapped around his middle, pulling them together and Michael could feel the beard scratch against his temple as they leaned their heads against each other.

 

They took the photo he would keep pinned next to his bed until he moved into Jack’s apartment.

  
  
  


_ That we may fall in love _

_ every time we open up our eyes. _

_ I guess space, and time, _

_ takes violent things, angry things _

_ and makes them kind. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neyt week we will take a sneak peak at little jealous Ray!


	5. Ray's Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gavin is sitting in my place.”

Ray's Place

 

It was way after midnight when Ryan finally parked the car in front of the base. The drive back had taken longer than the actual job, which was for once because some idiot had caused a huge crash on the highway and also because the job had gone so smoothly.

Looking to his passenger seat, he found Ray yawning but still awake. The boy had been quiet during the whole thing but it hadn’t been an awkward silence.

Concentration maybe.

They had laid down low until the target had appeared and he had let the boy shoot them.

Ray was an excellent shot, there was no doubt.

He had let his rifle sink after he had made sure that the target was dead, and had looked up to Ryan as if he expected something. It took him a moment to understand because Ray wasn’t as easy to read as Gavin, but he had praised him. It didn’t end in a bright grin, but instead a shy little smile that Ray quickly tried to hide.

Rather like the moon, than the sun.

“I think it’s time for you to get to bed,” Ryan told him as he killed the engine.

“I still have to clean my weapon,” Ray replied as he jumped out of the car. He waited while Ryan opened the trunk, and they both got their rifles out.

“I can do it for you, if you want to,” Ryan offered. “I have to clean mine as well, so it wouldn’t be much work.”

“Okay.”

They stepped inside and made a beeline for the kitchen. Ray was carefully placing his rifle on the table while Ryan went to the fridge.

“Can I have a Capri Sun first?”

“Sure.” He handed the boy one before getting his diet coke, and when he turned back around, Ray was already gone. He really was a quiet little fellow. 

And just as quietly, he seemed to reappear back in the door as Ryan reached for the gun to take it down to the armory.

“Gavin is sitting in my place,” he said and Ryan frowned.

“He’s still awake?”

Ray hesitated, gnawing on his straw before correcting himself, “Gavin is sleeping in my place.”

Raising his eyebrows, he stared at the boy and tried to make sense of that. Was Gavin sleeping in Ray’s bed?

Whatever it was, his thought process didn’t seem quick enough, because the boy just slurped his drink and placed the empty package on the table. Taking a tight hold on Ryan’s hand, he tugged until he followed.

Ray guided him out of the kitchen and then into the living room, and it took him another moment to understand.

“Are you serious?” he asked the boy, because apparently Ray’s place was Geoff.

Geoff who was asleep on the couch with Gavin curled into his side, the phone slowly slipping from his hands. He was also out cold, breathing softly, and Geoff had an arm thrown over him to keep him from slipping off.

“They probably waited for us,” Ryan told the boy quietly. “We are really late.”   
“It’s my place,” Ray said, and he seemed to actually be pissed off about it. He pouted and Ryan nearly expected him to stomp his foot in the next second.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Ryan huffed, amused. “Let them sleep.”

“It’s my place,” Ray repeated, a bit sharper this time, and he didn’t look amused at all.

Right now, he wouldn’t put it past Ray to go and jerk Gavin off the couch. He should probably be glad that the boy had even told him.

Shaking his head, Ryan stepped closer and gently pried Geoff’s arm away. The other man grunted in his sleep, but woke up as he lifted Gavin from him.

“You guys are back,” he mumbled, confused, and Ryan nodded.

“Just came in.”

Gavin was protesting sleepily, but instinctively wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck. Ryan could feel him nuzzle against his shoulder before sighing, “‘m tired, Rye.”   
“I know. I’ll bring you to bed, kiddo.”

“Okay…”

Turning around, he found Ray behind him. The boy gave him a satisfied nod before crawling on top of Geoff. The two fitted easily together, and Ryan was pretty sure Geoff was back asleep before Ray could butt his head beneath his chin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this was short and sweet, just like Ray. We need more jealous Ray in our lives.
> 
> Next week it's the turn for Neptune!


	6. Neptune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What?”
> 
> “We’re all going to die,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because today is a good day!   
> My cat who has been missing for 10 weeks was found and is back home - so have some fluff!

**Neptune**

  
  


_ Thread by thread I come apart. _

_ If brokenness is a work of art, _

_ Surely you must be my masterpiece. _

  
  


Ryan was fighting with the seats. Folding the seats of a car always sounded so easy until you actually went to try it. He pulled and pushed the little buttons to unlock them, but nothing seemed to work.

They moved a little but always snatched back. Grumbling beneath his breath, he was squeezed in the car and this right here was really ridiculous! It couldn’t be that hard! Was there some kind of trick he was missing, another button? But how was he supposed to push another one? He only had two hands and if he asked the boy for help, he’d also had to squeeze in here and Ryan wasn’t sure if he would be able to get out again.

They had been out on a mission. Not a big one, just to secure a deal and also scare the guys a little, so Gavin had hacked in their system to get some rather private information. Now they were on the way home and he had drove past the next motel.

Threatening the crew controlling this area and then sleeping somewhere obvious was not the best thing. So he had drove out into the wasteland and the plan was to sleep in the car. There really was enough space for them and Gavin had made sure to bring an army of pillows and blankets.

Granted of course, that he managed to fold these damn seats.

Outside the car he heard a huge gasp, followed by his name, and he looked out of the window. They should be safe out here; there had been no one tailing them, but he was ready to order Gavin into the safety of the car when he saw the boy.

He was pressing his face against the window, eyes huge in confusion and not fear and slowly Ryan let go of the seats.

“What?”

“We’re all going to die,” Gavin told him, his nose flat against the glass.

“Why do you say that?”

“There was a star and it’s falling,” he said. “That’s what happened with the dinosaurs, right?”

Raising his brows, Ryan squeezed himself out of the backseat to take a look at the night sky. “What are you talking about?”

The kid pulled at his jacket as he explained, “I was waiting for you and looked up and there was a falling star! I saw it, Ryan, I swear!”

“So you saw a shooting star.”

Gavin blinked up at him before asking, “Will we all die now? Will it crash on the earth and we will be extinct like the dinosaurs? Does that mean the dinosaurs come back?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Turning around, he continued to watch the sky with furrowed brows. “But I saw it.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Sighing, Ryan let himself fall into the driver seat and also glanced up. “A shooting star isn’t really a falling star even if it looks like one.”

“What is it then?”

“Usually a small meteorite. You know that there’s an atmosphere around earth protecting us, right?”

“I do!” Gavin assured him in excitement. He was wearing his green jacket and had pulled the zipper up to his chin as it grew colder. “It’s around 40,000 feet from the earth’s surface!”

Ryan couldn’t help but snort. The kid knew that but feared for his life because of a shooting star. “What you saw was a small meteorite burning up in the atmosphere. Nothing more.”

“So we’re not in danger?”

“No, the world won’t end tonight.”

“That’s good.”

Chuckling, Ryan slipped into the backseat and Gavin stood in the open door to watch him fail.

“I never saw something like that before,” he told him.

“I bet. It’s rare to see a shooting star.” He pushed the two buttons and heard a click from the seats. “So if you see one, you can make a wish.”

“A wish?”

“Yeah, people say that the shooting star will grant it.”

“I see.”

The seats decided to fold easily this time and Ryan glared at them. He had literally done nothing different.

Huffing annoyed, he wanted to climb back out but hesitated when he saw Gavin through the window. The boy had his head tilted back but his eyes closed. His hands were folded against his chest a little as if he was praying, even his mouth moved as he made his wish.

In the dark night he looked small and at peace and Ryan didn’t want to disturb him. Only when Gavin opened his eyes, did he move again.

“I made a wish!” Gavin told him with a grin.

“Good work.” Flicking him underneath the chin, he closed the door and moved towards the back to open the trunk. “Ready to build our bed?”

“I think so.” Gavin crawled inside and opened the bag in an explosion of pillows. “Did you also make a wish, Ryan?”

“I didn’t see it. It won’t count.”

“Oh, I should have called sooner!” Gavin glanced at him guiltily before looking back at the pillows. “I can finish this up if you want to search for one.”

“Thanks but I think I’ll pass.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely.” Taking one of the blankets, he began to cover the seats with it but couldn’t help but notice that Gavin was staring out the window.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking if I see another shooting star for you.”

“What about the bed?”

“Oh right.” Turning back around, he began to throw the pillows around and if there was any system behind the action, Ryan couldn’t see it. With a sigh, he got out of the trunk, got a hold on the boy and pulled him out. Gavin was squawking in protest, his favorite pillow pressed against his chest as Ryan sat him on top of the car.

“You keep a look out and I finish the bed, okay?”

“But-”

“It’s fine. You seem better at spotting them than me.”

Gavin beamed down at him. “I’ll give it my best to find one for you!”

“You do that.” He ducked back into the car and build their little bed. With all the stuff Gavin had packed it was rather a nest, but that was probably for the best, the trunk was kind of hard. Once or twice he threw a glance out of the window to watch the dangling legs kicking, just to make sure Gavin was still where he had left him.

Throwing the pillows towards the back, it actually looked rather comfortable and with a last huff he got back out.

“I didn’t see another yet,” Gavin told him promptly.

“I told you they were rare. Come on now.” He picked the boy back up and tried to ignore his pout as he sat him in the trunk. Closing the door behind him, he locked the coldness out before shuffling further inside.

It was a tight fit but once they settled it would work.

Gavin was already kicking off his shoes while shrugging off his jacket and Ryan followed suit. Soon enough they were laying down and Ryan threw a short glance to the boy. Gavin had turned his back to him so that he could look out of the window but he was yawning, so it wouldn’t take him long to fall asleep.

“You think you’re going to be okay without your tea?” he asked and reached down to pull Gavin’s blanket higher. It would only grow colder in the night. 

“Yeah, I will just drink two tomorrow.”   
“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t find a shooting star for you, Ryan.”

“It’s fine. You should be happy that you saw one to begin with,” he told him as he crossed his arms behind his head. The boy had already managed to take most of the pillows. He was cradling one as he turned towards him now.

“Don’t you want to know what I wished for?” he asked now.

“It won’t be granted if you tell.”

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

“That sucks.”

Ryan chuckled. “I rather think it’s a fair trade.”

Gavin fell silent, burying his face in his pillow as he thought about it. In the end he gave up on it and rather asked, “Did you see a shooting star before?”

“Once or twice.”

“What did you wish for then? Was it long ago, can you tell me now?”

Now he was the one to think about it and in the end he shrugged. “I wished for a lot of money.”

“And it turned out true, right? So this really works?” Gavin asked excitedly. He had lifted his head, nearly sitting up in the closed space.

“I guess you could say that.” And now he was kinda curious what the boy had wished for because he was smiling. Not even that golden smile, just a small, private one. 

It was an unusual but nice look for him.

“Go to sleep now.”

“Okay.”

The boy settled down, nestling into his pillow before sighing comfortably. “Good night, Ryan.”

“Good night, kiddo.”

 

He couldn’t sleep but he hadn’t really expected himself too. It were unknown surroundings and they weren’t exactly as safe as he hoped they were.

He couldn’t help but be envious of the soft breaths of Gavin and how fast they had come over the child. It was an unusual sound but also rather calming. Each time the boy rolled over and settled back to sleep, he took a glance to make sure he was alright.

It was a stupid little habit he couldn’t shake off but he was usually granted with an amusing sight. Apparently Gavin didn’t really mind the closed space as he began to spin, now laying diagonally in the trunk with one leg propped up against the wall.

How that could be comfortable, Ryan didn’t know, but it at least explained why he would sometimes find all the pillows on the ground. Sure, he could probably straighten the boy out, most likely without waking him up, but it was really the only thing to witness here and he wasn’t really bothered by it. Not even when Gavin rolled further and placed his head first on his chest and then on his stomach.

Nobody could really see his fond smile this time and he was getting tired so he didn’t even start fighting it. Instead he reached down to card his fingers through the messed up hair while watching as feet tried to find purchase against the window.

It took a while for Gavin to settle, legs pulled against the pillow he still held close. 

Ryan’s watch told him it was nearing 4am and he sighed quietly. Now that he could actually feel the kid breathe, he at least closed his eyes and gave sleep another go.

He hadn’t expected the small voice to disturb their little peace.

“If I would have wished for Jack’s pancakes,” Gavin mumbled. “And I would tell you  _ ‘I wish I wouldn’t get Jack’s pancakes _ _’_ , do you think that would count?”

“Probably,” Ryan answered. 

“I guess it depends on how smart that shooting star is,” Gavin continued thoughtfully. “But considering that it was falling, it couldn’t have been really smart.”

Ryan snorted and rubbed Gavin’s scalp, felt how he pressed against his hand like a cat. “Okay, you win. What did you wish for?”

“I wished that you and I go separate ways and never see each other again,” Gavin said and shivered then. “Ah, I feel bad only saying it…”

Ryan looked down to the boy and could only see the top of his head, red ears poking out from his hair. It was probably better like that; he wasn’t sure if he could control his expression.

“We should sleep now,” he told him.

“Yeah, it’s gotten really late.” He nuzzled against Ryan’s belly before growing quiet. Ryan also closed his eyes but let his hand rest on the blond hair, needed to feel that the boy was still safely next to him to relax.

 

_ I wish we will stay together. _

  
  


_ I'm only honest when it rains. _

_ If I time it right, the thunder breaks _

_ When I open my mouth. _

_ I want to tell you but I don't know how. _

_ I want to love you but I don't know how. _

 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hearing the song is like "okay, yes. That's Ryan."
> 
> Next week is Pluto!


	7. Pluto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered if that was what freedom was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, the guessing is over!  
> Pluto is indeed Michael's song and this plays roughly 3 years after Lamp Halo!  
> (Also my goal was no talking, so there you go!)

**Pluto**

  
  


_ Until one day I had enough _

_ Of this exercise of trust. _

_ I leaned in and let it hurt, _

_ And let my body feel the dirt. _

  
  


After their last heist, they were hiding out in a little town. It was a few hours away from Los Santos but couldn’t be more different. It was rural out here, old houses made of stones and wood instead of steel and glass.

People greeted each other on the street without the fear of getting mugged.

It was a cultural shock.

Ray didn’t like it, Michael could tell. Apparently everything was too dirty, too slow, too pale in comparison.

They stayed in a big shack at the edge of the town by a lake and walked down there if they needed something during the day. No, no driving or taxis.

Michael did like it. It was strange, foreign, but the sun shone warm between the trees and wasn’t beating down on them. Sometimes the wind would be cold enough that he would reach for a jacket. Depending on the direction, it would smell different but never like cars and hot tarmac.

There was a festival in the town and Michael was pretty sure that was why they were here. Jack had planned this trip, so it had to be.

They had spent most of the evening there, eating pastries and candies and everything else they could get their little hands on, while their guardians had been drinking.

Michael had tried a bit from Jack’s beer but hadn’t liked it. He didn’t quite understand why people drank it, but he liked watching. When Geoff would get drunk, he’d become horribly melancholic and would pull whoever was close into a hug. Strangely, it was usually Ray who dared to stand close.

The music was loud but pleasant and people twirled around, dancing together. Gavin had taken his hands and they hadn’t know how to do it right but had just turned around until they got dizzy, laughing so hard that Michael had felt lightheaded.

Now Michael had wandered off, but that was alright. This wasn’t Los Santos and they were actually allowed to explore, to run through the dense forest and chase each other down to the town. Some of the people already knew them by name, would tell them places to visit, and then they just headed there.

So nobody would panic as he followed the dusty street alone. He wasn’t even carrying a weapon with himself.

He wondered if that was what freedom was.

There were paper lanterns along the way, hanging in the trees. They were colored differently, throwing playful shapes where he wandered. They reflected in the water when he reached the lake.

He had come to love the lake. Sure, they had the ocean in Los Santos but it was crowded and dirty and too hot. Movement everywhere, towels and umbrellas on the beach.

The lake was different. It was quiet and still. Like this, when there was no wind, the surface was smooth, closer to a mirror than to water.

He could see the reflection of the darkening sky beneath him, the lingering clouds.

It was surreal, and maybe because of that, so fascinating.

They had spent the morning here. He and Gavin jumping, diving, swimming. Screaming, laughing, swallowing water.

Ray had stayed on the landing but always close.

In the end they had all ended up there, exhausted in the best way as the sun dried them to the music to whatever game Ray was playing.

Now, as Michael slipped out of his shoes and neared the shore, it was just as quiet. Background music from the festival floated down the dusty street. Distant laughter, and someone had put a paper lantern into one branch that loomed over the water. In the reflection, the light wasn’t as bright blue, and when Michael stepped into the water, the rippling waves disturbed the picture.

The water was cooler than it had been around noon when the sun had beat down on it, and he shivered a little, but it was also refreshing. He waded out over slick stones towards the lonely rock a few yards away.

He had sat there this morning, had watched over the lake just like he intended to do right now. This time no Gavin would suddenly emerge from the water and pull himself next to him, breathing heavily and ridiculously tan against him. They both had caught their breath there, waving to Ray who had lifted his head to check where their loud yelling had vanished to.

Michael pulled himself onto the rock now; his shorts were soaked but he didn’t really care. Pulling his legs against his chest, he cowered there and waited until the waves vanished.

He had goosebumps along his legs, but they were fading with the cold water, and soon enough around him was only a mirror, every trace of him disturbing the lake gone, and he watched the water.

It wasn’t clear or blue like at the beach. It was green and he couldn’t really see the ground. Towards the middle it could turn to a terrifying black; they had headed down there with a boat and they all had to promise Jack not to swim too far out.

They didn’t, partly because of the promise but also because they couldn’t take Ray with them.

The younger seemed content enough to sit close and sometimes splash them when they swam around him. He usually kept to the shadows but had also gotten a healthy tan, sipping on the cool drinks Jack or Geoff would bring them.

Michael had seen him in the water only once and that was in the early morning as he had thrown a look out of the window. Geoff had been with him, so he hadn’t worried, but it was endearing the way Ray clung to him.

For someone usually not disturbed by violence or heights, he had buried his face in Geoff’s shoulder, not daring to let go even though he should have been able to stand.

Michael had left them to it, knowing that Ray wouldn't want him to see him this vulnerable, and had rather gone to help Jack with breakfast.

Michael was sure Ray wouldn’t like the lake now. Ray loved the noise and the colors and would sit up high to observe the bristling city beneath.

Gavin would like it. He sometimes got quiet, just watching the trees and the waves and the people. He seemed so deep in thought then and Michael had caught him more than once staring at their hut, waiting for Ryan to join them, but it never happened.

Michael always made sure to quickly splash him with water to get the smile back. Right now that was his only idea on how to deal with that expression.

At least Ryan had brought the telescope, and often Michael watched them head into the darkness, a bit further up the street to not be disturbed by the trees. Once or twice Michael had followed along to watch the moon and the distant planets. His mind couldn’t really seem to catch up, to think that they were watching something so far away. To see the moons surrounding the planets, the faint lines around Saturn.

It wasn’t really his cup of tea, the long waiting while Ryan and sometimes Gavin adjusted the telescope, but he enjoyed Gavin’s breathless excitement.

Now there was a crescent moon in the east, peeking out from a few clouds and maybe they would be able to watch that tonight. Ryan had told him it was easier to watch the moon when it wasn’t full.

He was probably right.

Instead Michael wondered if he could watch the reflection of the moon. It was clear on the mirror that was the water, the pale light reaching the top of the trees now. If he would watch that through the telescope, would he see the same thing?   
He didn’t know and made no move to find it out.

His feet were still cold and he curled his toes. As he looked down he could see his own reflection. He just watched for a long moment, tried to make sense of his expression, of his eyes but couldn’t quite figure himself out.

If he knew something - if it was possible to know anything at 12 years old - it was that he was happy.

He was happy right where he was, if it was on a lonely rock in a lake or running through the town or the base or the city with the lads.

He was happy in his little room at the base that filled with little trinkets and belongings. He was happy the few nights when he and Jack were out late and he slept in his guardian’s apartment.

In some weird way he was happy for Project NEON bringing him here.

  
  


_ Still I’m pinned under the weight _

_ Of what I believed would keep me safe. _

_ So show me where my armor ends, _

_ Show me where my skin begins. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week it's the turn for Mars - let the guessing begin; there aren't a lot of choices left!


	8. Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, he hadn’t freed his boy to put him into new chains!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This plays a couple years after Novocaine  
> Mars - Geoff's song as many of you guessed right!

**Mars**

  
  


_ Though time is ruthless, _

_ It showed us kindness in the end, _

_ By slowing down enough, _

_ A second chance to make amends _

  
  


“I’m home,” Geoff called as he gave the front door a kick to let it fall shut behind him. It was dim in here with the setting sun. He flicked the lights on as he walked into the main room with the open kitchen. It had to be open, otherwise he and Ray wouldn’t be able to talk while he was cooking and the younger playing his games.

“Did you hear me, Ray?” Geoff called again as he threw his jacket over a chair. 

Nothing cooked, of course not. He could vividly remember each time Ray had actually cooked something and he could count down on one hand when it had been edible.

“Ray, you can at least say hello!” Probably had a headset on. Not that he wouldn't have heard him by now, and now he could imagine him rolling his eyes. He would come out when he was done with whatever he was doing; years of living together with him showed him not to get into Ray’s way when he wanted to be alone.

That was fine, he respected that and he knew it wasn’t meant to hurt him. That had taken a bit longer to realize.

Opening the fridge, he squinted against the harsh light and feel his headache returning. He had fought against it the whole day, used to working hungover, but this one had been a bit worse.

He froze when he saw the bottle of Jack Daniels missing and remembered why he had drunk until he could fall asleep. The human mind surely was incredible to pretend everything was alright if you just did the same motions like every day. If you followed the script of your life, acting blind to whatever had changed.

It was rare that it hit him as hard as right now.

Geoff realized he was just staring into the fridge, letting the coldness out, and quietly closed the door again. Turning around, he looked into the living room and beyond. The small hallway lead towards the other rooms of the penthouse and even from here he could see that Ray’s door wasn’t closed.

It always was; Ray was a private person, and Geoff moved slowly through the living room. He didn’t really want to look inside because it was like a punch in the gut every time. Still, he seeked for that pain and pulled the door open.

Ray was, against popular belief, a very tidy person and he had left his room just like that. The little things he still kept here, the things he claimed he would take with him soon as well, all neatly in his shelf. Even the bed nobody would be sleeping in anymore was made.

Geoff had told him that he could come back whenever and have the room again, if it was for a night or a week or forever.

Ray had smiled at him and had promised that he knew.

Ray didn’t live here anymore and that was alright. Geoff had told him that it was alright, that he was proud and it was the truth. At least until the sun set and he came home, a bit lost in the penthouse that was too big for one lonely man. When he cooked too much food because usually Ray would inhale it without gaining a pound.

Always a scrawny, little thing and that had never changed.

21 was an age when a lot of kids moved out and Ray could look after himself. He had grown up those past years, had looked for other jobs, had become a gun for hire for other crews and Geoff had allowed him that.

It wasn’t for the money, it was just what Ray was good at and what he loved to do. It was fine, it was alright.

He had been younger when he had moved out, but that didn’t help. If he was honest, he had run away no matter how he pretended he had a plan B, could go back whenever. It was a lie he held onto as the urge to prove himself faltered a little.

When things had gotten better, after finding Jack, after making a bit money, he had written his family letters. He wanted to show them what he had accomplished, even if it wasn’t the way they had imagined him to go.

The letters always returned unopened, and it had hurt. It still hurt, even now, but back then it had nearly killed him. He had tried even harder, had taken more risks and had drowned everything else in alcohol.

Some habits never died.

Closing Ray’s door, he turned back into the living room and gathered the evidence of last night. The empty bottle and the glass still half full. He rinsed it out and put it back in the cabinet when he hesitated. Where the right side was filled with glasses, the left was stuffed full with the mugs Ray would get him each year. His birthday or christmas, it didn’t matter.

They all read  _ World’s Best Dad _ and Ray would drop them on his stomach as a very special wake up call. Usually followed by “Get up, I’m starving.”

His father had also one of those, probably every father who was halfway decent had one of these.

His father had never returned his messages and letters but had taken the money he would send without questioning.

After he had run away from there, he had never returned to the house of his childhood.

And he feared Ray wouldn’t as well.

Reaching up, Geoff rubbed his face. He wouldn’t start crying over a damn mug, not again.

Ray had moved out two weeks ago and since then he had cried enough.

Fuck, he hadn’t freed his boy to put him into new chains!

Ray had every right to live his life how he wanted and Geoff had made sure that he knew he was always welcome back here.

And it was alright, that was the difference right there.

Ray might not be his flesh and his blood but in the grand scheme of things that didn’t matter. If Ray returned or not, it didn’t matter. If Ray decided he could go on alone or felt the need to return, even if only for an hour, for a minute, for a brief second, he was welcome.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he was still staring at the damn mugs. Fishing it out, he blinked until he could see the message on the display.

 

**Rayray:**

_ Beat your highscore in Peggle _

 

**Rayray:**

_ Again, I might add _

 

Smiling, Geoff turned away from the cabinet and leaned against the counter.

 

**Geoff:**

_ You know that means war _

 

**Rayray:**

_ Bring it on, old man _

 

That was the difference.

It had to be.

  
  


_ There is goodness in the heart _

_ Of every broken man _

_ Who comes right up to the edge _

_ Of losing everything he has. _

_ We were young enough to sign _

_ Along the dotted line. _

_ Now we’re young enough to try _

_ To build a better life. _

 

_ To build a better life. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week we will have Mercury; which by now should be obviously be Ray's song. His chapter will play shortly after this one here!


	9. Mercury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This world is scary,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ties right in with Mars and I am not crying, you are crying. We are all crying

Mercury

  
  
  


_ No one can unring this bell _

_ Unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new _

_ God knows, I am dissonance _

_ Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune _

  
  


Geoff woke up from a noise in the hallway. It was quiet, as if someone was trying to move carefully.

_ Ray, _ was his first thought as he watched his dark bedroom. Ray was taking his shoes off. He wasn’t kicking them off though, that would make a different noise.

Was something wrong?

Lifting his head, he took a look at his alarm clock and found that it was after 2am. Maybe he just wanted to not wake him up and still…

With a grunt, Geoff sat up to rub his face and tried to wake up fully. It took him a few moments until he remembered that Ray didn’t live here anymore. That he had his own little apartment downtown, and as always the knowledge felt like there was something heavy resting on his chest.

It was fine. It was normal.

He had to just keep telling himself that and one day he would believe it.

It didn’t answer the question of what Ray was doing here in the middle of the night, and it definitely was Ray. The soft noise as he placed his keys next to the door, the tact of his steps was too deeply rooted in his head.

Before he could sit up fully and panic, thinking that the boy was hurt, his door opened.

“Hey Geoff,” Ray said quietly, not even surprised that he was awake. He could hear it in his voice even though he couldn’t see his face in the darkness.

“What’s wrong?” was the first thing that toppled out of Geoff’s mouth, and the boy didn’t answer. He fidgeted around nervously and Geoff reached for his night lamp and switched it on.

They both blinked against the sudden brightness and Ray even reached up to rub his eyes. He looked tired like this, dark shadows beneath his eyes and his hoodie was soaked. Now that he paid attention, Geoff could tell that it was raining outside.

“You’re cold,” he told Ray and the boy nodded but didn’t move from his spot. Now he was pressing both of his hands against his eyes and Geoff quickly got to his feet.

Ray was indeed shivering as he reached him and didn’t make a noise when he pulled his zipper down. Carefully Geoff pried his hands from his face to slip the hoodie off.

Ray let it happen, his eyes closed as he lifted his arms so that Geoff could also get the shirt beneath off.

“Were you sniping?” Geoff asked quietly as he rubbed the dark hair dry with it. It was getting too long, the bangs curling a little.

“I told you I would be.”

“Sorry, I just woke up.”

“It’s fine.” The boy sighed and opened his eyes. He didn’t look up to him, just stared into space. “You said I could come over whenever.”

“Of course you can,” Geoff told him before letting the shirt drop to the floor. The hair was at least drier than before as he let his hand card through it. “I’m glad that you did.”

“I shouldn’t have…” Ray whispered and he seemed upset now. “I’m old enough, I sho-”

“Don’t be stupid,” Geoff hushed him quickly. “You’re still my precious little Rayray.”

“You’re such a dad,” Ray said, and Geoff’s heart fluttered whenever the other used that word. But this time he was also filled with worry because it wasn’t like him.

“Come to bed,” he told him. “Let’s get you warm.”

Ray settled down next to him and didn’t move when Geoff pulled the blanket over him. He just stared up to the ceiling and Geoff laid down after switching off the light.

It didn’t take long, he knew it wouldn’t. Ray was just more comfortable when he could hide his face somehow, even if it was with darkness. In the dim light of the alarm clock, he saw how Ray turned towards him.

“I was working for that crew tonight,” Ray began quietly. His bare feet found Geoff’s leg and he tried not to shiver at the coldness. Instead he laced their legs together.

“The one you worked with before?”

“Yeah. Just a simple sniper job. Giving them cover while they robbed a jeweler, just in case. I told you they were pretty careful.”

Geoff hummed as an answer and searched for Ray’s hands. His fingers were cold and stiff from holding still for so long and he breathed over them to warm them up.

“Some shit went down and somehow the police knew about it. I gave the crew cover so that they could escape but ran when it got too hot.” Ray sighed quietly. “Two of the guys got got. I think one was shot. I didn’t stay long enough to check it out.”

“Things like that happen, Ray,” Geoff told him. “Heists can go wrong and sometimes people get hurt. You gave it your best.”

“No, I didn’t. Not really.” His hands shook and Geoff held them tighter, pressing a kiss against each finger. “I ran away, Geoff. If I’d stayed, I could have saved a few of them at least.”

“You said it got too hot.”

Ray shrugged. “Yeah, the police were coming closer but I realized… if it would have been one of you guys, one of our crew… I would have stayed until they were safe. I wouldn't have left anyone behind.”

Ah, that’s where it was going.

“I’m glad that you did. Run away, I mean,” Geoff said and saw how Ray raised his head a little. “I mean it. Let them all get caught or die as long as you don’t get a scratch on you. Who cares?”

For a while Ray stayed quiet but he was watching him, Geoff could tell. Trying to see more than silhouettes through the darkness. In the end he let his head sink back into the pillow.

“That’s very selfish of you,” he said quietly but Geoff could hear the little smile in his voice.

“I guess now you know who you got that trait from. You’re welcome.”

Ray huffed amused before scooting closer. Geoff opened his arms and raised his head so that Ray could curl up against him. His hair tickled his jaw, still a little wet but oh so familiar. It smelled like rain and gunpowder.

The boy was cold, still shivering against him, and Geoff wrapped his arms tightly around him to hold him close. It worked slowly, the body warmth, the soft blanket and the way he would let his hand rub his back like that would get rid of the goosebumps there. 

Geoff could feel the scars and the burn marks beneath his fingertips and wished he could take them away. If he could, he would kill a stranger for each scar if that only meant the memory of them would pass as well. They were still somewhere hidden in the boy, a place he had never quite reached, but that was fine.

Ray had assured him that it was fine, that he was happy, and right now that had to be enough for him.

Closing his eyes, Geoff whispered, “You can always come back here. Don’t you ever hesitate, you hear me? This is still your home.”

“Okay,” Ray whispered, and then, even quieter, “Thank you.”

“Always,” Geoff assured him as he settled down. It felt good, being wrapped around each other again even if Ray was cold. But he could feel his heartbeat, his breath and knew he was alive and alright.

He was ready to fall asleep like that but Ray didn’t calm down, his movements uneasy, and when he finally whispered, it was barely audible.

“This world is scary,” he said. “It’s cruel and there are really, really bad humans out there. Humans who enjoy hurting other humans. Sometimes I get the feeling… that there are more and more of those out there... Like I can’t escape them. Maybe I was meant to be one of them.”

“That’s not true, bud.”

“But what if it is?”

“I see the way you care, Ray. I see the way you love the people around you.”

“Bu-”

Geoff shushed him down, held him tighter. “Maybe you don’t do it as bright as Gavin or as fiercely as Michael but you can’t deny it’s there.”

“It’s just…” Ray trailed off before repeating, “The world is scary.”

“It is,” Geoff agreed. “It’s horrible and beautiful and it hurts with each step walking through it. It’s very, very scary out there.”

“I’m sorry that things are changing, Geoff. New things make everything worse but I feel like… like things sometimes have to change.”

“They do.” He sat up and pulled the boy with him. They sat across from each other and he couldn’t make out Ray’s face in the darkness. He didn’t need to.

“Ray, you go your way because this is your choice. There were so many people trying to stop you from this and still you do it and that makes me… that makes me just unbearably proud.” He reached out and carefully cupped Ray’s face. “It’s scary and that’s fine. New things are scary and old things are scary and the world is scary but like I said, you can always come back here. Are you scared here?”

Ray shook his head and Geoff couldn't help but smile.

“That’s because this place is home,” he told him. “This is  _your_ home, the home  _you_ chose. Not where you grew up in and not where your parents are but this is where you will always belong. Because the people here love you, okay? Michael and Gavin and Jack and Ryan. Lindsay as well.”

He pretended the tears pooling against his fingers were from the rain clinging to Ray’s hair as he leaned forward to rest their foreheads against each other. “And I love you with everything I am. You’re my son, Ray. You’re my son and I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood.”

Ray sniffed and Geoff wiped the tears away, like he always would.

“This is home, Ray. And whenever you think the fear is getting too much or the world is moving too fast or just… just anything. I want you to just walk in, kick your shoes off and do whatever you want. Take a break, let’s sleep for a whole day and if we wake up, we’ll just play video games. I just want you to know, you’re always welcome here.”

  
  


_ Yet I know, if I stepped aside _

_ Released the controls, you would open my eyes _

_ That somehow, all of this mess _

_ Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my Rayray and Mercury is one of my favorite songs from Sleeping At Last.  
> Next week something lighter and shorter, yush!


	10. Coins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Coins,” Ray said.
> 
> “Coins?”
> 
> “Yeah, they were talking about flipping them or something like that. I didn’t listen, it sounded stupid. But they both think the other is wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short break between the space-chapters before we go back into them with Saturn next week!  
> Plays during or right after Lamp Halo!

Coins

 

Ryan held the door open for Geoff so that he could slip inside and turn towards the kitchen. Jack was out of town with Michael for a few days and he had promised to make absolutely sure that the lads ate enough.

Throwing the takeout onto the table, he called, “Food!”

It wasn’t really needed because Ray apparently materialized behind him as he turned around.

“Good morning,” the boy said just like he had been taught.

“Morning, Rayray,” Geoff greeted him before checking for coffee. Ryan was already on it, good.

Sitting down, he got a lapful of Ray who started to rip open the takeout box.

“You slept well?”

“Slept in Gavin’s bed,” Ray told him.

“Why’s that?” Geoff asked surprised. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“No, it’s just nice.”

“Fair enough.”

A bit belated, Gavin walked in and beamed at them. “Good morning, Geoff!”

“Morning, bud.” He watched as Gavin walked straight past Ryan without another word and if that wasn’t strange enough, Ryan also made no move to get his tea going, just waited for their coffee.

Raising his eyebrows, Geoff nudged the boy. “What’s going on there?”

“They’re fighting,” Ray told him before frowning at his food. “I need a fork.”

“Go get a fork then.”

“Gavin, can you get me a fork?”

Geoff rolled his eyes but couldn’t say that he was surprised. Gavin brought Ray his fork before taking a free chair and began dragging it towards the cupboards. 

“You know what they are fighting about?” Geoff asked quietly as he watched Gavin climb on the chair to reach his mug. Ryan was also watching, hovering close in case the child slipped but Gavin got back down safely.

“Coins,” Ray said.

“Coins?”

“Yeah, they were talking about flipping them or something like that. I didn’t listen, it sounded stupid. But they both think the other is wrong.”

“Interesting.” He looked up when Gavin pulled the chair loudly over the floor towards the kettle. Climbing up to reach it and then back down so he could drag the chair to the sink to fill the kettle.

With a huff he placed it on the counter and it seemed a bit too heavy for him, still he said nothing.

Geoff was ready to help him put it back on the stove, scared that Gavin would burn himself but Ryan was already there to take a hold of it. Gavin didn’t let go and glared up to him.

“I can do it.”

“You’ll hurt yourself,” Ryan said quietly.

“I will not!” Gavin janked the kettle free but only succeeded in making the water slosh all over his arms. His cheeks colored in embarrassment but even when Ryan reached for it, he didn’t let go. Instead he hurried to their table and whined, “Geoff!”

“Alright, alright.”

Ray allowed him to stand up, if only to eat in peace, and he took the kettle to place it on the stove. Gavin was going for the teabags next but this time Ryan was faster and snatched it away, only to put it high up on the cupboard where Gavin couldn’t reach.

The boy hesitated before glaring up to him but Ryan turned away, acting like he didn’t notice. Geoff could see how he tried hard not to smile and couldn't help but roll his eyes.

Idiots, both of them.

And still he didn’t expect Gavin’s next move.

The boy threw his arms around his middle and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you so much for helping me, Geoff,” he chirped and immediately threw a look to Ryan. “You are the very best, Geoff! I bet your tea tastes really good!”

“Oh God,” he mumbled and even Ray threw them a short look before turning back to his food. Still, it was Ryan’s eyes who burned into Geoff and he really wished Gavin would let go of him but Gavin was holding tightly, snugly pressed against him, and now both of them were watching each other.

There was something going on that Geoff couldn’t quite place but at least Ryan seemed amused, pressing his lips together to keep from smiling. Gavin was quietly giggling, Geoff could feel him shake and on a sudden signal, they both darted off.

Ryan tried to snatch the boy up but Gavin ducked under his arms and was out of the kitchen, his guardian hot on his heels. Just a moment later they heard loud laughter and then something Geoff was pretty sure was the sound of Ryan blowing raspberries, followed by Gavin squealing.

Shaking his head, he put the kettle from the stove and got himself some coffee.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week get ready for Saturn!  
> 


	11. Saturn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You taught me the courage of stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the final of the planet-stories, with Saturn!

**Saturn**

  
  


_ I’d give anything to hear _

_ You say it one more time, _

_ That the universe was made _

_ Just to be seen by my eyes. _

  
  


“Stop it,” Gavin mumbled, an arm thrown over his eyes as if that would block out the noise. Too bad that things didn't work like that, but it was in the middle of the night and he had been sleeping. That was until Triella decided to scratch on his door, meowing for him to let her out, but he was just too tired.

Fact was though, that she wouldn't stop and he heard her walking around, jumping on his bed and back down. Everything to just get his attention, and at one point he gave in.

With a groan he sat up groggily and the cat started to purr over her victory.

"You're a brat," he told her as he got to his feet. "More spoiled than Ray, and that means something, you hear me?"

As an answer she rubbed against his legs but when he opened the door, she darted out instantly. Grunting, he was ready to head back to bed but hesitated when Triella went straight for Ryan's bedroom, scratching against that door now.

It wasn't even that unusual; Triella usually slept in one of their beds, but something kept him planted right where he was as he listened. At first he could just hear the cat and his own heartbeat, the rushing of his blood in his ears but then he heard an unfitting noise. It took him a second to recognize it as a soft whimper and even longer to remember the few times he had heard it before.

Ryan was having a nightmare and it certainly wasn't the first time that had happened. Mostly Gavin wouldn't notice, only when Ryan appeared in his door to check on him if at all. But since moving into their new apartment in Achievement City, there had barely been a case. Maybe in the beginning, when they were all still tense and unsure and the city was foreign and new.

Now, a few months later, they had gotten used to it.

Moving down the hallway, Gavin quietly opened the door to Ryan's room. Sure enough, his guardian was tangled in his sheets, making little grunt out noises.

Triella was already jumping on his bed to watch him more closely but Gavin knew better than to go ahead and shake him awake. One of the first time he had tried that, Ryan had lashed out and hit him across the face. Sure, he had just startled his guardian and Ryan had apologize furiously, but he still didn't like thinking about it.

Instead Gavin turned around to head back into his own room and unplugged his lamp. Carefully to not break another planet off, he carried it into Ryan's bedroom and placed it on the bedside table. Plugging it back in, he let stars travel through the room and when he stepped back, he heard Triella purr.

It was probably stupid, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Ryan always put the lamp on when he wasn't feeling well or was scared, and at one point he had just figured out it would help Ryan as well.

He called him softly but it didn't help, and so Gavin just leaned against the wall. He didn't have to wait too long until Ryan startled awake and quickly sat up. Gasping for breath, his eyes first fell on Triella who still sat by his feet and that seemed to help. Seemed to ground him somehow. He was catching his breath while watching her before he shook himself and looked around.

Gavin stepped forward and their eyes locked, something haunted in Ryan's, and it took him a moment to recognize him. When he finally did, he sunk into himself and reached out to him.

Gavin was quick to take the outstretched hand and let himself be pulled to sit on the bed. Ryan's eyes were wandering over him and Gavin let him, already knew what he had dreamed about and he slowly lifted his chin. As expected cold fingers traveled over his throat until they found the pale scar slashing through his skin.

It wasn't that visible anymore but he sometimes caught Ryan staring at it.

"I'm fine," Gavin whispered. "The bad people are dead. They can't hurt us anymore."

"It's different," Ryan said. His voice was hoarse from sleep and a bit too tight. Gavin hated the sound of it as much as it touched him. He was the only one allowed to hear it. "In my head. It's always different at night."

"I know."

"They cut your throat."

"I know."

"But we weren't fast enough. God..." The hand wandered higher, cupping his face as Ryan leaned his forehead against Gavin's. He was shaking and Gavin let his eyes fall shut. "When I dream we're never fast enough. We can't get to you in time."

"That's not what happened, Ryan."

"I thought you were dead." His voice was too close to a sob, and that was enough for Gavin to know that it had been an especially bad dream. Pulling away from Ryan's touch, he tried to catch his eyes again, but Ryan was already turning away, letting his face fall into his hands.

"Look at me," Gavin urged him but the other just shook his head, curling into himself. "Ryan, I'm alive. I'm here." He wrapped his arms around his guardian, felt how damp his back was, how he still trembled, and Gavin laid his head on his shoulder.

"I'm here," he whispered again and watched the stars around them. "They got there in time. I'm fine."

He felt how Ryan nodded and for a long moment neither of them moved. Gavin listened to the other's breath, knew that Ryan was doing the same and at one point Triella curled by Ryan's feet.

His guardian reached down and stroke through her fur with a shaking hand.

Gavin watched them with a fond little smile before shifting. He pulled Ryan against his chest and rubbed his back, feeling how the tension was leaving him slowly. Dropping a kiss on top of his hair, Gavin began to sing.

  
  


_ You taught me the courag e of stars before you left. _

_ How light carries on endlessly, even after death. _

_ With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite _

_ How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny enough, this was the hardest to write of the whole bunch. Just couldn't get it to turn out right and this went every which way - welp.  
> It's short but I like it...  
> Next week if the lads first fight!


	12. First Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Gavin said quickly. “But Ray and Michael are fighting.”
> 
> “Fighting?”
> 
> The kid nodded quickly. “I tried to tell a joke to make them stop but they won’t listen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the delay, guys. I may have stepped into a hole and screwed up my left knee and my right ankle and along all of the mess of visiting doctors and being in pain... I forgot to update and fell asleep. OTL
> 
> I'm very sorry about that!
> 
> Rogueofpandas requested the lad's first fight, which was one of my favorite prompts because what a great idea! Took me a while to figure it out but now you have one of the biggest Nowhere Kids chapters!  
> I hope you like it!

First Fight

 

Geoff was in a phone conference when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eye, and that was strange enough. Today he was alone with the lads and had explained to them that they had to be quiet and calm during the next hour or so because he had to work, and if they were nice they would get ice cream. That usually worked like a charm.

When he had left them, they had been playing Xbox in the living room and everything had been normal. He wouldn’t have wondered that much if it would be Ray at his door. His boy sometimes walked in and sit with him on his desk, acting like he was the boss. Even so, he had told them that it was very important this time, so not even Ray would just stroll in.

So it was even stranger when it was Gavin who peeked inside.

Geoff raised his eyebrows but gave a small wave to beckon him closer.

Stepping inside, Gavin hurried towards his desk and waited for his turn to talk. Watching the kid while also listening to their weapon dealers, he noticed that Gavin seemed tense. The boy was throwing looks over his shoulder as if he expected someone to follow him and Geoff really couldn’t use a lad-attack right now.

“One second, I just got another call,” Geoff lied before putting his hand over the phone and turning towards Gavin. “Did something happen?”

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Gavin said quickly. “But Ray and Michael are fighting.”

“Fighting?”

The kid nodded quickly. “I tried to tell a joke to make them stop but they won’t listen.”

“Are they like physically fighting?”

“No but they are being mean,” Gavin explained. “I don’t know what to do, Geoff…”

Michael and Ray had one topic they frequently fought about and that was video games, whether it was their performance in them or whose turn it was next. But they always kept it playful.

Gavin knew that and wouldn’t bat an eye on it. Still, here he was.

“What are they fighting about?”

“I am not sure.” Gavin reached out and tugged at his sleeve. “Please make them stop?”

He took a glance towards the phone still in his hands before looking back to Gavin’s worried face. “I’ll wrap this up as quickly as possible, alright, bud?”

Gavin nodded slowly and let him go. He moved quietly out of the room and Geoff watched him with a frown.

It couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Okay, I am back,” he said as he picked the call back up again. Still, while he was listening he couldn’t fully concentrate on the conversation. Gavin had seemed concerned but Ray and Michael never fought. Not really.

They would play a bit roughly, they would call each other names and claim the other smelled but that was about it. No way, it was probably alright.

He trusted Michael on this. He always looked out for the other two and would stop things before they went too far and Ray was basically attached to him.

It was just a childish quarrel, couldn’t be anything else.

He was still telling himself that when he heard something crash. Something that sounded like it was made out of glass. A second crash followed right behind and Geoff was already on his feet.

“Ramsey, what was tha-”

“Have to check it out,” he said before dumping the phone onto his table and running out of his office. It was dead quiet, not a word coming from the living room and that was maybe worse.

Quickly turning the corner, Geoff found all three lads standing there.

Michael and Ray were facing each other with Gavin in between like a barrier. They all looked up at his entrance.

“What is going on here?” he asked sternly and it was Ray who answered smugly, “Michael threw his glass into the display case.”

Sure enough, the small glass case that had their different controllers in it was shattered into a thousand pieces.

“Is that true?” His question fell flat because as he turned to Michael, the boy had such a shocked and scared look on his face, that Geoff’s heart sank.

“Michael?” He reached out and Michael stumbled backwards in his hurry to get away, blank panic on his face now.

“Sorry,” he blurted out.

“He did it!” Ray quickly added. “I saw it happen! Right, Gavin?”

Gavin helplessly opened his mouth before simply staring at Geoff.

“Okay, everyone calm down.” Geoff turned back to Michael and even now the boy shifted away from him. “Why would you do that, Michael?”

“Got angry,” he managed to bring out before pressing his lips together and Geoff realized the other was close to crying. He let his eyes travel over the small body and couldn’t make out any bruise, but he had to make sure. “Let me check on you. Did you cut yourself o-”

This time he had reached out carefully to not scare Michael but he hadn’t expected Ray to run towards him and tear at his arms. “No, Geoff!”

“What?”

“Don’t touch him! I don’t want you to touch him!” Instead he threw himself into Geoff’s arms and hugged him fiercely. “You’re my favorite, Geoff! We should go and cuddle!”   
Okay, something was definitely fishy here.

Pulling Ray from him, he gave him a brief kiss on his hair. “That’s very sweet of you, Rayray, but I think we first have to deal with this right here.”

“But Geoff!”

“Maybe Michael cut himself, I have to che-”

“I hope he cut himself!” Ray spat and Michael flinched at the venom in his voice.

Geoff actually had to take a double take to make sure those words really came out of Ray’s mouth. “What did you just say?”

“I hope it hurts,” Ray said proudly and Geoff held him by his shoulder to look him up and down.

“Why would you say such a horrible thing, Ray?” Gavin whined. “I wish you would stop this!”

“Because I don’t like Michael! Michael sucks!”

“Okay, what the fuck is going on here?” Geoff demanded to know. Had he walked into the wrong room here? Was this some kind of joke?

Ray just looked up to him and shrugged, “I hate Michael.”

Geoff couldn't do much besides stare at him as he tried to understand. It wasn’t a joke or a prank, he could see how Gavin was desperate to calm both of them down but most of all he could see how Michael quickly hid behind his hands.

“Ray, that’s a very bad thing to say!”

“I mean it!” the boy insisted. “Why are you mad at me now? He broke the glass case!”

“That’s not-” He stopped himself and shook his head. Something was going on here and they had to get to the bottom of this but he was also aware of the phone call that was still going.

Maybe it should be harder to get his responsibilities in order.

“Okay, all three of you will calm down now,” he said and gently pushed Ray towards the couch. “I want you to sit down and nobody says a word. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“But-” Ray began but Geoff just picked him up to sit him down himself.

“You stay right there. We’ll talk about this in a second.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

“But we will!” He let his eyes travel and found a nervous Gavin, looming around Michael. Michael who looked close to crying, if he wasn’t already, but he was still hiding his flushed face.

It had to hurt, of course it did. Michael loved those two and such harsh words…

“I’ll be right back,” Geoff told them before hurrying back towards his office. He was listening, fearing of some yelling starting behind him but it stayed quiet.

Picking the phone up, he heard some curse on the other end. Which was probably fair enough.

“Lance, you still there?”

“Ramsey, what the fu-”

“Sorry, little emergency here. We have to postpone this.”

“You can’t jus-”

“Well, watch me.” He hung up, prayed that he would still be able to pull this deal off. He would have to worry about that later because he could already hear yelling, so someone clearly hadn’t been listening.

Again he was surprised that it was Gavin he heard. “Stop! Please, stop it!” and then, in a desperate pitch. “Geoff! Geoff, hurry!”

So he did.

Running back towards the living room, he wasn’t quite sure what he expected to see but certainly not this.

Gavin was clinging to Ray, trying to hold him back because Ray… Ray was punching Michael. Was raining down blows onto his head and his shoulders, everywhere he could reach and Michael had curled up on the couch, was trying to protect his face with his arms.

Geoff’s heart sunk. Because Michael should been able to hold Ray down easily, to pin him down but he didn’t. At first Geoff figured it was because he didn’t want to hurt the younger but that wasn’t it.

Michael wasn’t used to fighting back. He was used to take it, to be the punching bag.

Quickly Geoff snatched Ray up and out of reach when he continued to punch and kick, to hurt in any way. There wasn’t much power behind it but that wasn’t needed.

“Stop!” Geoff told him sharply and Ray glared up at him. “Ray, what the fuck are you doing!”

“I don’t like him! He sucks!” the boy proclaimed loudly. “I want to hurt him!”

“Why would you!”

“Because you hurt someone you don’t like!” He fought against Geoff’s hold. “I want him to be gone!”

“Stop!” It was Gavin who screamed it. He stood in front of Michael like a shield. “Stop being mean! Stop saying horrible things!”

For a second Geoff was sure it was working. Ray was deflating beneath his touch but he only came back with more force. “Why are you siding with him now?” Ray spat and Gavin jumped at the anger in his voice. “You always side with him, Gavin!”

“Ray!”

“I’m not sidi-” Gavin tried to say but Ray just shook his head.

“Yes you are! I also don’t like you, Gavin! I h-” Geoff clamped his hand over Ray’s mouth to muffle his words because now Gavin was close to crying as well.

“Stop!” Geoff insisted and shook Ray a bit. 

Ray just glared at him, so full of anger that he barely recognized him anymore. He allowed him to stand on his feet again but kept a tight grip on his arm.

“Apologize.”

“No.”

“Okay then,” Geoff guided him towards the door. “Then you will go up to your room right now.”

“No, Geoff! I don’t wanna!” He tried to get free but never had a chance.

“Ray, I am not kidding. Up to your room, right now.”

“But Geoff!”

“Time out for you, young man. We’ll talk when you calm down again.” He let him go and for a horrifying moment he was sure, Ray would tell him he hated him as well. He wasn’t sure if his heart could take it.

Instead Ray turned around and stomped up the stairs. He actually jumped on them just to be louder.

When his door slammed shut, Geoff took a deep breath before turning around.

Gavin stared at him with big eyes. “Why did he do that?”

“I don’t know, buddy. But I’ll find out, okay?”

The boy nodded before turning around. Geoff also came closer to take a look at Michael and bit on his lip.

Michael hadn’t moved an inch. He was still curled up, arms wrapped around his head to protect himself and maybe worst of all, he didn’t make a single noise.

Geoff had expected him to cry at least but nothing. It was as if he wanted to disappear, which was probably the case.

“Michael?” Geoff asked and carefully touched his shoulder. He had expected him to curl up further, but not to jump and scramble to get away, to press himself into the cushions as if he could crawl inside.

His eyes were huge in fear as he stared up to him and Geoff quickly took a step back to give him room to breath.

“It’s me,” he tried. “Just me, buddy. Nobody here will hurt you, okay?”

He wasn’t sure if Michael was listening, he wasn’t even sure if Michael really saw that it was him. 

Behind Geoff, Gavin took a shaky breath and instantly Michael’s gaze darted towards him. Licking his lips, he moved very carefully and even though he still looked like someone had backed him into a corner, he held his hand out for Gavin.

Gavin quickly stepped ahead and took it, let Michael pull him closer before settling next to him. Michael gently rubbed his shoulder as if he wasn’t upset himself but Gavin wrapped his arms around him and the other boy froze. For a long moment Michael just sat there and didn’t seem sure what to do, while Gavin held him and tried his best to comfort him.

Then he burst into tears, shaking violently, and Gavin sobbed as well, following along.

Geoff figured that was a pretty good time to call Jack. Maybe Michael would allow him to get close to him because he wasn’t about to try again. He didn’t want to get him into another panic.

He stepped out of the room to quietly explain to Jack what happened or at least he tried to. He still didn’t understand it himself.

Above him he could hear Ray romp around, stomping and hitting things, powering himself out. He had never seen the boy that aggressive.

After making sure that Jack was on his way, he stepped back inside the living room. Gavin had snatched the blanket and wrapped it around both of them. He at least had calmed down and was stroking through Michael’s hair. Michael who was still crying quietly, hiding behind his hands.

“I wasn’t trying to side with anyone,” Gavin said quietly when he noticed Geoff. “I just wanted them to stop fighting.”

“I know, bud. You did good calling me.”

Gavin smiled sadly before cuddling closer towards Michael. He even pulled the blanket over their heads as if that would drown out his words.

“I don’t hate you, Michael,” he heard Gavin whisper. “I like you very much.”

Geoff moved towards the door to give them some privacy and even though he wanted to check on Ray, he stayed right here. Ray might be angry, fuming even but he couldn’t get Michael’s face out of his head. The panic, the blank fear in his eyes.

He hadn’t seen him, he hadn’t seen the living room. Instead he had been far, far away. In a different past where he was nothing more than a thing to leave their aggression out on.

Hopefully Jack could bring him back.

It took a few more minutes until Jack arrived and he quickly hurried past Geoff.

“Michael?”

Michael fought against the blanket so that he could reach both of his hands out. “Jack!”

“Hey there, pumpkin.”

There was no hesitation this time, no doubt in Michael’s eyes as he tried to untangle his limbs. There was Jack and Jack meant safety and home and that’s what Michael wanted, so he would get it.

Jack snatched him up to moment he could to hold him close and Michael’s legs wrapped around him in a desperate search for comfort.

It was a bittersweet picture, Geoff saw in front of him. Still, he was glad that Michael trusted Jack enough to let him actually touch him.

It was a good sight and Jack appreciated the gesture. Geoff could tell by the closed eyes of the other, how close he held the child as he buried his face in Michael’s curls.

Taking a look towards Gavin, he found the boy still in his nest of blankets, a shaking smile on his face. It was forced but grew genuine when Jack reached down to pat his head.

Geoff allowed himself a deep breath, figuring at least this situation was under control now.

Turning around, he walked up the stairs to face the other problem.

Ray didn’t look up when Geoff stepped inside. He was sitting on the floor, in the middle of his figurines and little trinkets he had carelessly thrown around.

“All your toys are broken,” Geoff said as he quietly closed the door behind him. “Why did you break them?”

“I don’t want them anymore,” Ray mumbled.

“Okay.” Carefully, to not crush any of the scattered toys, Geoff sat down in front of the boy. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

He had expected Ray to shake his head but instead he just shrugged. Geoff figured that was a good sign.

“Why are you so angry, Ray? You are usually not like this.”

“I’m not angry.”

Geoff had to bend down a little to get a look on his face and yes, the boy was right. “Fine, will you tell me why you are so sad then?”

Sniffing, Ray wiped over his face before finally looking up. His eyes were swimming in tears. “Michael doesn’t like me anymore.”

“Did he say that?”

“He showed me.”

Frowning, Geoff scooted closer. “What did he do?”

“He wants to go away,” Ray whispered. “He will go and live with Jack. He will leave me alone.”

“Oh, buddy.” He tugged at Ray’s arm and the boy quickly crawled into his lap. “Michael won’t leave you alone just because he moves in with Jack.”

“But he won’t be here anymore! It will only be me and Gavin here and I don’t want this! So… so if he doesn’t want to be around us anymore, then I don’t want him here! I want him to be gone!”

“That’s a very, very bad thing to say, Ray.”

“It’s a very bad thing to just leave! He said he wouldn’t! He said he’d be our big brother and still…” Ray let the words trail off before hiding in Geoff’s chest. “I don’t wanna…”

“Buddy, just because Michael won’t be living here anymore, you will still see him every day. He’ll come in with Jack.”

“But it’s not the same!”

“No, I guess not.” Leaning his chin against Ray’s head, he sighed deeply. “Sometimes things change, Ray.”

“I don’t want them to change! Change is bad and stinks!”

“Change can also be a very good thing,” Geoff assured him but could feel the kid shake his head.

“It’s not!”

“You getting away from the project and coming here was a good change, wasn’t it?” Geoff asked and Ray hesitated. “You opening up to Michael and Gavin and being friends with them was good as well. And of course the best was when you finally admitted that I was the best ever.”

“That never happened,” Ray told him but when Geoff took a look down, he found the boy blushing. He had calmed down and when Geoff wiped his tears away, he let him.

“Michael leaving won’t be good though,” Ray mumbled. “I’m gonna miss him.”

“It will be different, I’ll admit that but should I tell you a secret?”

Ray’s eyes lightened up and he nodded quickly.

“Okay, but for now you have to keep it to yourself.”

“I will! I promise!”

“You know that the crew is growing, right?”

“Yeah because we will rule the whole city,” Ray said while sniffing. “We will even kick the Corpirate’s ass.”

Geoff couldn’t help but chuckle. The boy said it with such a certainty that it was endearing. “True but to do that we have to hire new people.”

“I know that.”

“But we need new space for them. A bigger base.”

Ray fell silent and Geoff watched as he worked through that. He helped a little, “We will move out of here, Ray. When we find a good enough place, we will go there.”

“Will I get a bigger room?” was the first thing he asked.

“I’ll make absolutely sure of it, bud.”

“It won’t be here though.” Ray rubbed his flushed cheeks, eyes narrowed in concentration. “And it won’t be in the new base either.”

“There will be too many people there and we have to assure that you guys are safe,” Geoff explained and now Ray looked up to him. 

“I will move into your place then? Like Michael is moving into Jack’s?”

Geoff nodded and the boy frowned. He let him, tried to ignore his heart beating faster. It wasn’t really a secret, after all they were planning that for a few weeks, but the details were taking time. A big enough base, secluded but still close enough to the city and their apartments. The security, the neighbourhood, the other gangs; so many factors they had to look out for.

It just wasn’t time yet to tell the lads.

“What about Gavin?” Ray asked.

“He’ll move in with Ryan.”

There was a flash of worry on Ray’s face and Geoff could understand that. “You know they work their problems out a bit differently than we but they are a great team.”

“They are,” Ray agreed. “So we will all stay with our guardians. Like it was suppose to be?”

“Yeah but you will see the others every day at the base.”

“Can we still do Lad-nights?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Ray nodded slowly and Geoff ruffled his hair. “Is that okay, Rayray? You think you can do it?”

“I think so. If all three of us do it, it’s not so bad.” Still, he bit down on his lip and Geoff could tell that he was unsure about that whole thing. He waited until the other organized his thoughts.

“I was just really scared,” he finally mumbled and quickly hid his face in Geoff’s chest again. “Of Michael going away. I knew I would still see him but it was like… like I couldn’t reach him anymore.”

“Because he was moving ahead and you stood still?”

“I think so. I’m the smallest and sometimes…” the boy hesitated, squirmed a little, “Michael is so strong and kind and Gavin is very smart and good with words. Sometimes I get the feeling that they are so far away and I just can’t catch up. I don’t want to get left behind, Geoff…”

Geoff held him tight and closed his eyes. His little boy, bony and barely a lapful.

He kissed his dark hair and promised quietly, “That will never happen, baby. It’s always hard to see from your own point of view but I swear that you are moving so, so fast. Sometimes I even wish you would slow down for a second but you’re just too strong for that. Don’t you worry.”

“Okay,” Ray breathed out before sighing. “I said bad things.”

Oh God, yes he had. Geoff could still vividly remember Michael’s face, how hurt he had been by his words, and now as Ray looked up to him, he saw how upset, how embarrassed the boy was over that.

“What do you think you should do about that?”

“I should apologize,” Ray answered. “And I will let Michael win in every game.”

Geoff couldn’t help but snort at that but the boy didn’t seem amused.

“I was really stupid and mean.” And then, as if he had just realized that, he added, “I hit Michael!”

There was disbelief in his voice and in the next second, Ray was fighting to get up. Geoff let him and watched how he teared up. “I hit Michael! I hurt him and I hurt Gavin! I’m the worst brother!”

He darted towards the door and down the stairs, loudly calling after the other two and Geoff smiled to himself.

There was no hesitation, no fear that they wouldn’t forgive him. Ray had made a terrible mistake but he had been scared and confused.

Those three would be alright. As long as they had each other, they always would be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for being late. I will try to not step into any hole again, please imagine a Lad group hug after this scene as an apology.  
> Next week will be the first part of AgentNevadas prompt!


	13. Kidnapping p1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Ray would call Geoff and Geoff would alarm everyone, would alarm Ryan.
> 
> Ryan would come and get him quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was requested by AgentNevada, who wanted to see the first time (second for Gavin) the lads were kidnapped. It got a bit too long so I made it two parts!

It happened on a golden afternoon in autumn. It would be one of the last warm days according to Jack, and while Michael was occupied with providing the explosives for the next mission, he and Ray had gone outside.

They wandered through the streets a bit aimlessly, but it had something nice to it. The window shopping, the random food Ray would buy and devour. Neither of them talked all too much but it was a comfortable silence, even after that one guy had laughed at them.

Gavin wasn’t quite sure what was wrong about holding Ray’s hand as they moved through the streets. It felt nice and he hadn’t minded it when Ray had taken it, quite the opposite.

Now Ray was running ahead, towards the ice cream truck that had stopped a couple yards ahead.

Gavin followed a little slower, not really hungry, but he wasn’t quite sure if he had a say in that matter.

He saw the van stopping next to him in his peripheral but thought nothing of it, only when the backdoors slid open, did he turn around. It was too late, even as he stepped back and reached for his knife they had already caught him. A bag was thrown over his head and in the next second he lost the ground beneath his feet.

“Ray!” he called out, to ask for help and to warn his brother in case they would go after him next. He was thrown into what he assumed was the back of the van and he could hear the doors slide shut.

He was trapped and in a sudden panic his heart nearly stopped. The bright sun was gone, only leaving behind darkness and the sweet smells of food replaced with the stale scent of the bag.

Ray’s hand was gone and only cold metal was beneath him as he pushed himself up.

All in all it had barely taken a minute but that also meant that Ray wasn’t in here with him.

The van jumped ahead so suddenly, that he lost his balance and slumped back down. There was something hitting the right side, a metallic little clink.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck - someone’s shooting at us!”

Ray.

“Get away from here, come on!”

They sped off and Gavin dared to slide on the bare metal when a hand grabbed him. Flinching, he tried to get free but was harshly pulled to sit up.

“Hands to the front,” a man grunted, and he did just that.

What had Jack said about kidnapping? He didn’t remember right now, not in this moment where everything was dark and the blood was rushing in his ears.

“What’s happening?” Gavin asked as the stranger took his arms. “Who are you guys?”

Nobody bothered to answer him but he could feel something tighten around both of his wrists. Not some handcuffs, maybe zip ties.

How strange, they were easily breakable.

They also didn’t search for any weapons. After his hands were bound, he was left alone and he shifted towards the walls of the van.

So, what was going on here? Who would want to kidnap him?

Well, that was a long list. If someone managed to figure out who exactly he was and what he knew, he would be a first choice to get to Geoff. More so than Ray or Michael.

Maybe they would force him to hack into the base or tell them how to get inside. Not that he would, it would endanger Ryan, but those guys didn’t know that.

And he feared how they would try to pry those information from him.

Swallowing, he tested his binding and found them not too tight. He would be able to break out quickly like this but for now there was nowhere to run for him.

The van had been white and the windows tinted dark, so he couldn’t even try to get the attention of any pedestrian out there. Still, the car didn’t seem too armored, rather like an older model.

Which didn’t have to mean a thing but he was pretty sure this thing wasn’t cloaked.

The signal of his chip would most likely reach.

So Ray would call Geoff and Geoff would alarm everyone, would alarm Ryan.

Ryan would come and get him quickly.

That more than anything managed to calm him down.

Taking a deep breath, he didn’t like the stale air or the darkness, but he was fine. Nobody had tried to hurt him yet and he still had his knife.

Listening, he could tell that there were three guys. Two were in the front of the car, one in the back with him.

If anything happened, he could break the zip ties and defend himself. Maybe enough to open those doors and jump out of here but for now he just had to play along.

They drove for quite a while and Gavin had long since stopped trying to memorize the way. He had missed the first few turns in his fear and now he couldn’t exactly tell where they were besides that they were still in Los Santos. The bristling noises of the city were all around, not drowned out by the engine.

By the time they finally stopped, it was a bit quieter but he could still hear distant traffic. Even as he was pulled out and picked up, he could smell it. The hot tarmac, the fumes - all things he did recognize and that calmed him down.

It wouldn't take Ryan long to get here.

Thrown over someone’s shoulder, he was carried inside of some house. This time he did memorize the way but it wasn’t too hard considering that it wasn’t big inside of here. Soon he was sat into a chair and then the steps retreated.

A door fell shut to his left and for a long while he just sat there and listened.

He was alone. They really had left him in this room alone!

His breathing was the only one he could hear and even when he stood up, nobody came rushing in to yell at him.

What the fuck was going on?

Did they think he couldn’t break out like this? Didn’t they know who he was?

Frowning, Gavin made sure to pull the zip tie taut before cracking it over his knee, making it snap apart. Reaching up, he pulled the bag from his head and blinking against the light, he looked around.

He was in some kind of shed, the walls barely more than planks, and as he stepped close he could even look through the cracks out into a dirty alleyway of some kind.

Even the door his kidnapper had disappeared through was just plain wood! Rubbing his wrists, he walked towards it and pulled out his knife. The lock looked old and rusty and he would be able to snap it open with no problem but first he closed his eyes again and listened.

The clinking of bottles was the first thing he noticed as if they were celebrating. It didn’t sound all too far away, so they were in the room beyond which wasn’t all too great for his escape but at least left him to listen to their conversation.

“I am sure he has a phone of some kind with him,” one of the man said. “Brats like that always have the newest phones. No way he doesn’t have the number of his parents in there.”

Which, to be honest was absolutely true. He always made sure to have the newest model even though the number of his parents absolutely wasn’t in there. Ryan’s though…

“We let him call himself and explain to them how much money we want and where to put it.”

Wait-

“Rich asshole like him will surely bring a bit. We make sure that they don’t talk to the police and with some luck we can even sell him, he’s got a pretty face.”

Gavin stepped back from the door and stared at it. They really didn’t know who he was! They thought he was some rich kid and true, since Ryan let him roam around the city alone he had bought himself some nice clothes. Why not, he had earned his money and he liked soft fabric.

Still, now that he thought about it, he might have been too well dressed for the area he had strolled through today.

What now?

Well, the most reasonable thing would be to sit back down and wait. Obviously there would be no danger for him just yet and Ryan should be here very soon, but now he was starting to get angry.

They had ruined his nice afternoon with Ray and not only that, it didn’t sound like they were doing something like this for the first time!

“Assholes,” Gavin mumbled to himself before rolling up the sleeves of his button down shirt. The crew tattoo hadn’t been on his upper arm for too long, and maybe he had cried a little as the needle painted it on his skin, but it was better than any key to get inside somewhere cool.

Now he might be able to use it differently.

Janking his knife in between the door and the frame, it needed nothing more than a flick of his wrist to break the lock. Really, he could have maybe kicked it open if he tried but it would have been awkward if it didn’t work.

At least now he could swing it open, knife in front of him in case someone tried to charge at him but nobody did.

The three guys sat around a table, staring at him with their beer bottles halfway to their mouths. It took a few heartbeats until one of them shook of their shock and stood, “What the fuck. I thought you secured that little fucker?”

“I did!”

“Well, apparently no-” The man trailed off as he saw Gavin’s tattoo and curious Gavin watched the color drain from his face as he realized in how much shit they were in.

“What? Grab that bitch,” one of the remaining guys said.

“He’s one of Ramsey’s boys.”

“What?”

Gavin turned slightly towards the table and now they also noticed his tattoo.

It was funny, watching them as they realized their mistake. He was maybe half their size but they shook in fear.

He felt powerful like that.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” The guy in front of him spat out and reached for his head. “Ramsey will come for us! Holy shit, he will rip us apart!”

“Not Ramsey,” Gavin said and even though he spoke quietly, they all fell silent. Still, neither of them seemed to notice the shadow behind them. “The Vagabond.”

Ryan took the guy closest to him out first. Gavin didn’t even have to move, didn’t duck or hide back in the other room. He knew Ryan would hit the other’s head and even though the mask looked a bit scary in the corner of the room, Gavin felt no fear.

If anything at all he smiled as the second guy slid to the floor before being able to stand up and the last one hit the table as he got shot in the shoulder.

To get him to talk, Gavin figured and looked towards the Vagabond.

The Vagabond who had still his gun raised, asking, “Any more?”

“No, I just saw three,” Gavin told him and as the other nodded, he saw Ryan coming back. His Ryan who let his weapon sink, letting out a deep breath before reaching out to him.

Gavin charged, jumping over the dead body before throwing his arms around Ryan’s middle and burying his face in his jacket.

Leather.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves but couldn’t help the startled noise when Ryan pried him off just to pick him back up.

“God,” he breathed out into Gavin’s ear, holding him tightly against his chest. “You are never going to leave the house again, I swear.”

“I’m fine,” Gavin chirped but took the opportunity to hug the other with the little strength he had. “Did you see how scared they were, Rye? They were shaking!”

His hair was ruffled and Gavin beamed at him. Even with the mask, he could see that Ryan smiled back. “I saw.”

One of the doors was kicked open, making both of them look up but it was only Geoff waltzing in.

“Don’t just run off like that!” he snapped at Ryan but neither listened as Ray pushed past him.

“Gav!” he called and Ryan let him down so that Ray could hug him wildly. “I’m so sorry! I should have stayed close, I should have looked after you!”

“It’s fine,” Gavin assured him quickly while patting his back. “I didn’t get hurt. It’s all okay.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta admit p2 isn't yet written, whoops. But it will be at some point at time.   
> I may be slow and lazy but at one point in time I usually get shit done!  
> Next week will be a scene I actually cut out of Novocaine but I stumbled back over it!


	14. Destruction alternate scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re such a lightweight.” There wasn’t any ill will in those words, just a strange fondness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was actually part of the chapter "Destruction" in Novocaine, which was the chapter right after Michael got shot, when Ray and Gavin light up the city for him. You know the one.
> 
> A part of this is still in it but I cut this part out in fear that people would see this as shippy, even though it wasn't meant to be.
> 
> Welp, according to Rachel it's still freaking gay but oh well.
> 
> We're all to some degree here because of the gay.

“Where did you get that?” Gavin asked and Ray shrugged.

“Lee. I told you guys he’s a cool guy.” Lighting the joint, he took a deep drag before blowing the smoke into the night. Noticing Gavin’s look, he offered it to him but he just shook his head.

“It’s bad for you. I heard it could cause cancer.”

“Yeah?” Ray asked and turned towards him. “I assure you, it won’t be weed that kills me.”

Snorting, Gavin’s eyes darted back to the joint and Ray couldn't help but chuckle. Taking another drag, he leaned over him and Gavin didn’t even react surprised as he pressed his lips against his and breathed the smoke into the other’s lungs. When Ray sat back up, Gavin had his eyes closed, keeping the smoke inside for as long as possible before exhaling. It ended in him coughing and Ray sat up, laughing.

“You’re such a lightweight.” There wasn’t any ill will in those words, just a strange fondness. He watched Gavin calm down, eyes still closed as his brother fought against his emotions. They were clearly painted on his face, in the way he pressed his lips together to keep them from wobbling.

Ray felt the same sadness, felt it like a piece of ice in his chest because if he closed his own eyes, he could see Michael. Michael in the bed, the bandage clean and white around his head.

The tube, allowing him to breath and stay alive.

All while he and Gavin were out here, messing around.

Ray ducked back down, careful to make sure that the tip of the joint didn’t touch either of them as he kissed Gavin.

It wasn’t awkward, even though he expected it to be. They were inexperience, a few shy movements if at all but it spread warmth through their bodies.

Ray knew that it was wrong.

Not so much because they knew each other for so long or because he considered the other as his brother. They did it for the wrong reasons.

TV and movies had told him that kisses like this were reserved for adults, a man and a women. A kiss usually dripping with passion.

There was no passion here, nothing sexual. He did love Gavin if not like this but it was bitter. A bitterness by the way they grasped at each other, but a shared bitterness.

Comfort, more than anything and God, they needed that.

It was in the way that Gavin got desperate, surged towards him and wrapped his arm around him. Always searching for the affection, he didn’t dare to claim for himself.

Ray let him take it from him, laid down on top of him to share their warmth against the cold nightmare waiting back home.

With one last press against Gavin’s lips, a few quick pecks he pulled back to catch his breath. At some point his eyes had drifted shut and he left them like this.

Out here in the dark desert it didn’t matter.

Gavin was crying, he could tell by the other’s breath, could tell by years of experience that it was leveled as his brother fought against the tears.

Ray could feel his own tears as he thought back, thought about Michael. He leaned his forehead against Gavin’s as they breathed each other in, giving company to not fall apart out here all alone as he could feel another heartbeat against his chest.

It worked, even if only slowly and at some point he rolled off of Gavin and took his place beside him again. 

They fell into silence again as he smoked his joint and watched the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys would know how much shit was cut out of Novocaine because it got too large, oh man.  
> Next week it's time for Michael and Jack bc we need them in our lives, I tell you


	15. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting his bags sink to the floor, he moved towards the stairs and was just in time to see Michael skid around the corner. The boy saw him and his face lit up, eyes growing huge as if he hadn’t expected Jack to ever return from his three day trip.
> 
> “Jack!” he called and Michael’s voice grew high in his excitement, nearly into a squeal that would make Gavin jealous.

He pushed in the code before kicking the door open, if only because he was carrying his bags because apparently nobody thought about coming to help him.

With a grunt, Jack slipped inside the base and took a look around.

Nobody here to greet him and okay, he was a bit earlier than expected, but really?

“Hello,” he called into the silence. “I’m back!”

Something loud echoed from above and he raised his eyebrows. It took a moment longer until he could hear the excited voice from above and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

Definitely Michael.

Letting his bags sink to the floor, he moved towards the stairs and was just in time to see Michael skid around the corner. The boy saw him and his face lit up, eyes growing huge as if he hadn’t expected Jack to ever return from his three day trip.

“Jack!” he called and Michael’s voice grew high in his excitement, nearly into a squeal that would make Gavin jealous.

Jack raised his hand as a greeting but Michael was already on the way down. Jack was a bit worried that the boy would fall over his own two feet in his hurry but then Michael was jumping, simply trusting that Jack would catch him.

He did. Of course he did. 

He would never let that kid fall.

Michael wasted no time crawling up on him until he could wrap his arms around Jack’s neck. He squeezed so tightly that it nearly cut off his breath.

“Jack, Jack, Jack…” Michael mumbled into his shoulder, clinging to him like an octopus and Jack couldn’t help but smile into the curls.

“Hey there, pumpkin.”

“I missed you so much! Geoff gave me a calendar and I would cross off each day you were gone so that I would know when you’d be back!” Michael told him.

“What a great idea!”

“It was! We all drew funny pictures over the page, I’ll show you later!” Michael had lifted his head enough to grin up to him and Jack couldn’t help himself but peck him on the nose. He smelled just like he remembered, like magnolia from his shampoo and somehow like his teddy. Warm and soft, and Jack held him close as the boy giggled.

“Jack!”

This time it was Gavin who hurried down the stairs, followed by Geoff and Ray.

“You’re early,” Geoff told him with a grin as Gavin reached him and hugged his leg. “We were still drawing pictures for you.”

“I can’t wait to see them,” Jack told him. He shifted Michael's weight a little so that he could pat Gavin’s head and then Ray’s, who especially came over for that before hurrying back to Geoff.

“I drew the best picture for you,” Michael whispered into his ear, making sure that the other two wouldn’t hear it. “But Ray and Gavin tried as well. Geoff’s sucks though.”

“Is that so?” he asked amused. “What do you think? Should we hang them up somewhere?”

“Absolutely!” Grinning, Michael nuzzled against his shoulder and sighed contently. “You’ll stay now, right?”

“Yeah.” He dropped a kiss on his head and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of magnolia. “I missed you way too much to just go away again.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone commented that Michael is like a puppy and I highly agree.  
> Look at the pure son.  
> Next week we go straight into angst bc that's what you guys keep requesting. You little masochists, I love it


	16. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t get seizures on missions, never! Before missions, yes, that had happened and he hated it. Sometimes after missions which wasn’t as bad but never during one.
> 
> And he wasn’t going to start now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some anon wanted some Ray angst and I gladly deliver!

He ignored the first signs, the strange pull in his guts, the gloominess in the corner of his eyes. Ray shook his head and pretended it all disappeared through that.

He was on top of a roof, laying on his front with the rifle by his side. Looking through the scope, he already had the head of the woman right in front of him but Geoff wasn’t done yet.

Geoff was still talking to her.

It was just like in the rumors in the street. Once you saw Ramsey, his ghost already had an eye on you and with a single gesture, your brain was splattered on the ground. You wouldn’t see the ghost or hear him.

He was just that - a ghost.

If Ray was honest, he loved the nickname.

Even if he wasn’t with Geoff on every mission, the people still expected him to be. He protected his guardian just by his reputation.

Now he just wished Geoff would hurry up.

The dark pull again and his fingers twitched. Quickly he let go of the trigger, fearing for the worst as he shook his hand out. Just stiffness, he told himself.

Just stiffness from laying out here for so long, not the first spasm of a seizure.

Taking a deep breath, he placed his fingers on the trigger guard.

“Permission to shoot?” he asked. Geoff wasn’t able to answer without being suspicious but they had agreed on a handsign. It didn’t come and Ray bit on his lip.

It stung a little and helped him to concentrate.

“Ray?” Jack asked confused. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Just really need to piss,” he lied but nobody laughed. Gavin and Michael would at least be amused by that, but for a second everything was quiet; he could even tell that Geoff stiffened a bit.

“He’s slurring his words,” Ryan said and it fell on heavy silence.

They did it again, talking about him instead of with him, like he had no part in all of that.

“Not true,” Ray snapped immediately. 

Nobody believed him, he could tell but it was _ true! _

He didn’t get seizures on missions, never! Before missions, yes, that had happened and he hated it. Sometimes after missions which wasn’t as bad but never during one.

And he wasn’t going to start now.

Shaking his head again, he blinked and tried to look back through the scope.

“I’m fine!”

“Ray,” that was Michael and he sounded concerned.

“I’m fine,” he simply repeated.

“Ray, you have to tell us if you get a-” Jack began but he stopped him right then and there, “I do not!”

“You sound like you’re drunk.”

“Well, maybe I am!”

“Gavin,” Ryan ordered. “Keep an eye on him, and Ray, you better give us a heads up, so that we can progress to plan B.”

“Got it.”

Plan B was him fucking up, it always was. They had one for each mission, for each tiny little heist he was involved in.

The moment his stupid brain would give up, would betray him in the most primal way - the others would react. Someone would secure him, sometimes they’d even stop the whole thing.

Just because of him. He was the one fucking things up.

“Fine,” he managed to bring out but his tongue wasn’t cooperating properly. Someone answered but he looked up at the clattering next to him.

A bit dumbfounded he realized that it was his rifle that had escaped his grip, the pink color bright against the dirty grey of the roof.

He blinked sluggishly at it, couldn’t quite understand how that had happened but with the next pull his head grew too heavy.

_ Shit, _ he thought before he hit the ground, trying to keep his eyes on the gun but they seemed to roll into the back of his head.

Gavin was babbling in his ear, his voice rising and falling and he wasn’t quite sure if it was grounding him or not. All he did was hope that Geoff would keep his cool, would keep calm and didn’t do anything reckless to get to him.

He would never forgive himself for that.

The strings appeared a heartbeat later and he watched their glow with a lazy fascination. They were connected to his joints and they would pull tight soon enough, someone would yank on them and he would jerk like a broken toy.

Maybe he was just that.

The rise and fall of a voice was still in his ear. Probably Gavin but he couldn’t say for sure, he just clung to the noise, trying to stay in reality, but the strings were pulling and he had no choice but to follow.

_ Geoff. _

He wasn’t sure if he said it or just thought about it before he was slipping under. Deep, deep away where no one could reach.

 

Coming back always happened in stages.

At first it was a spark. A soft realization that he existed, that there was something there that was alive.

Noises came back first usually, his other senses weren’t quite as fast.

He could hear breathing that could be his own but also movement. He wasn’t moving, that would take a lot longer but someone was, so it probably wasn’t him.

Someone was with him and they were talking.

Yeah, that was a word. Could be his name.

Did he have a name?

Number three?

No. No, that one was wrong.

_ “Ray-” _

He had a lot of names from a lot of people but yes, that one was his favorite. There was just one other one he liked more but for some reason he wasn’t allowed to admit that. It wasn’t the right voice anyway.

He was able to feel next.

A hand on his cheek, on his forehead, and finally in his hair.

So he did have a body.

He was alive and had a name and a body. That knowledge took away the edge of panic a little.

Again his name was called, and he opened his eyes.

Everything was blurry and his lids were too heavy to stay up. He tried to make a noise as an answer but nothing came out of his throat, so he used his hands.

It took a while to get the hang of it, they had all learned sign language but he refused to use it. It was for situation where he was helpless, just like right now. Where he had to fear that he had endangered the others or pissed himself, maybe both.

It was a slow fear but when it reached his tangled mind, it clung to him like a bad smell. That he would be the cause of something horrible.

He wouldn’t be able to live with it, wouldn’t be able to take the guilt.

Sometimes he wished he wouldn't wake up then. The fear of lifting his eyelids and maybe, maybe someone would be missing.

Maybe he would wake up alone.

But there was someone moving, he could hear them and he signed sluggishly, wasn’t quite sure if he got the letters right as he spelled out Geoff’s name.

His answer was a gunshot and the panic snapped him right back into his body. His eyes flew open fearing that he was dead, that Geoff was dead, that they all were, but all he saw was pink.

His head was resting in someone’s lap and they held his rifle, aiming for something. Now they let the gun sink before reporting, “Got her. She’s dead.”

It was Ryan, Ray realized. He was staring up to the skull mask that looked even more ridiculous with the pink sniper right next to it.

Under other circumstances he would laugh, now he pulled on the leather jacket to grab the other’s attention. It worked and Ryan looked down, his eyes growing soft, “Hey there. You with me?”

Ray nodded before bringing his heavy hands up, spelling out Geoff’s name again.

“He’s fine,” Ryan assured him. “We all are. Plan B worked without a hitch.”

Good. That was good and Ray let his eyes drift shut. The exhaustion settled in his bones as he waited for what would happen next.

It took a while but finally he was picked up.

“Hold on tight, so that you don’t slip off, okay?”

Cracking his eyes open a little, he slung his arms around Ryan’s neck, his fingers brushing his rifle when Ryan threw it over his other shoulder.

“Good. You’re doing great, Ray.”

Briefly, Ray knew that something like this would never happen. To hear those calm words and the gentle touches. That was Gavin’s Ryan, the one he sometimes talked about with that shy little smile on his face.

Letting his eyes fall shut, he blocked it out, not wanting to take that from his brother.

They were moving but he barely noticed, concentrating on staying upright and not drift off. Only when there were nearing steps did he lift his heavy head.

“Ray!” Michael cried out.

It echoed in the stairwell they were in and then Michael was next to them, offering his jacket like always.

It was true, he got cold with all the energy sapped from his system, but Ryan was like a furnace. Still, the jacket was wrapped tightly around him and Ray tried himself on a smile.

There were more steps now and then Geoff turned the corner. He was all but ripped away from Ryan and crushed against another chest, scruff rubbing against his cheek.

“Oh, my baby,” Geoff breathed into his ear, clinging so tightly to him. “God, you scared me!”

“Sorry,” Ray slurred. He closed his eyes against those stupid hot tears, born from shame and guilt that began to fester between his ribs. “I’m so sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is Gavin angst... I see a trend here


	17. Extra Weight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always the weakest, the one to stay in the back, who stayed at home.
> 
> In situations like this it was better when he wasn’t around.

Ryan had such a tight grip around his arm that it hurt. Gavin tried to free himself but he was just dragged along, his little strength not enough against the man.

“No!” he tried again but Ryan didn’t listen, didn’t even look at him. He just opened a door and took a quick look inside before shoving Gavin in as well.

Gavin turned around just in time to grab the handle before Ryan would pull it shut. “No, wait! Wait, Ryan!”

“Stay there,” was the only answer he got but he didn’t let it go.

“Don’t! Ryan, let me hel-”

The door was shut in his face and for a second he stood there in an unknown room, all alone in the dark.

They had been invited to some sort of formal event and Gavin had liked it. He dressed up in a suit like Geoff and he could watch all the pretty ladies with their pretty dresses.

Then someone had started shooting, and the next thing he knew was Ryan dragging him away.

Pulling the door open, he hurried out but instantly ran into Ryan who was crouching and looking around the corner.

“What did I tell you?” he snapped at him and before Gavin could say a thing, his arm was back in the iron grip.

“You’re hurting me,” he blurted out but again Ryan didn’t listen. He just shoved him back into the room, hard enough to make him stumble and fall on his ass.

“Ryan!” he called while trying to get back up. “I can help! They are all-” The door got slammed shut again and this time he heard it lock.

“No! Wait, Ryan!” he screamed as he scrambled to his feet and tore at the door. It didn’t budge, not at all and he called for his guardian.

He had to protect him! He had to protect him and he just- just-

Not only Ryan, all the others were somewhere down there, and in here he could do nothing!

Nobody was listening to him, he was just a weight to carry, something to get out of the way.

It made him scream and bang against the door, wishing he could kick it down but he wasn’t strong enough.

No, he never was. Always the weakest, the one to stay in the back, who stayed at home. 

In situations like this it was better when he wasn’t around.

The truth brought tears to his eyes as he kicked against the door as he screamed for someone to let him out. Nobody came because nobody was able to hear him. It was all drowned out in the gunshots, the turmoil, and he was just a drop in the ocean of noises.

He couldn’t help himself imagining what was happening. They were out there, in danger and he could see Ryan getting shot, could see him go down in pain-

What about the others? Only Ray was carrying a weapon in his tuxedo; Michael had wanted to bring explosives, but Jack had told him that it wouldn’t be necessary.

What if Michael got shot? What if any of them would get shot and die?

They would be gone, all of them and he would stay here. They would leave him here in that dark room and nobody would find him.

They would leave him behind like they always did.

Gavin didn’t even notice that he was screaming himself hoarse, that the tears were streaming down his face as he worked himself into a frenzy.

He just wanted someone to open that door so that he could stay with them, so that he wouldn’t be alone!

It didn’t help, no one heard him as he wailed until his voice broke and then some more.

It felt like forever trapped in this room and his dark little headspace until he noticed things changing. He couldn’t exactly tell what it was, just that he was crying his eyes out on the floor and it seemed louder somehow. Maybe because everything else was quieter now.

That was until the door was thrown open and it scared him half to death.

He couldn’t catch his thoughts, just knew that someone was watching him as he sat there, unable to calm down. He couldn't even see them, everything was blurry and dark and he screamed for Ryan, for anyone to come and save him but the figure in front of him didn’t move.

Then they got shoved aside and now there were hands on him, running through his hair and down his arms.

It wasn’t Ryan.

Ryan wouldn’t call him buddy and wouldn’t kiss his forehead. No, Ryan would say, “Stop crying.”

He couldn’t, not right now and someone was hugging him close. It was someone else again, someone as small as him calling him Gavvy.

Michael, he realized and then he was picked up and rocked like a little child, soothing words whispered into his hair.

That was Jack.

Jack who held him and Michael who rubbed his back, but he didn’t want them.

“Ryan,” he sobbed and it shook his body violently. His throat hurt and his eyes were itchy and he felt like he was growing sick with anxiety.

“He’s here,” Jack promised as he tried to wipe his face clean. He turned him towards the figure in the door that still hadn’t moved and Gavin just hoped that it was true because he leaned ahead, arms outstretched and fingers reaching.

Nothing happened, nobody took him and embraced him and he just cried harder, barely heard Jack snap Ryan’s name.

“I don’t know…” It was way quieter, nothing against his crying or Jack’s angry words, but he recognized Ryan’s voice.

“Take him!”

The figure finally moved and Gavin was picked up again. It was Ryan, he could tell it without seeing or without smelling the leather because his nose was clogged. It was in the unsure movements, how he was held a bit clumsily.

He had to bury his face into the other’s neck himself, no hand in his hair guiding him, but it was all he needed.

“What should I do?” Ryan asked frantically.

“Just hold him!”

He did. Gavin was nearly squished against the others chest as he pulled himself tight, hiccuping, “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me alone!”

“I won’t,” Ryan promised quietly. “I just want to keep you safe.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for angst!  
> Next week we will have more of that! Just a reminder; it's because you guys are keeping requesting this! Shame on all of you (nah, just kidding. I love writing angst, you know me)  
> So, kidnapping p2 next time, whoot~  
> Huge scene btw


	18. Kidnapping p2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s wrong, boy? Are you scared?”
> 
> He was. By God, Michael looked terrified and Ray didn’t understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the angst has returned. Did it ever leave?

Ray wasn’t as afraid as he probably should be. True, he and Michael had been snatched because they had been stupid, because they hadn’t looked out, and now their guns were gone and the earpieces as well as they were thrown in a trunk.

But the last thing Ray had heard was Gavin’s panicked voice, trying to warn them so the others already knew they were gone. They would come as soon as possible to get them out and the worst part was that Geoff wouldn’t allow him to leave the apartment alone for quite some time.

Still, Michael was with him and that made it better. He could feel the other’s body pressed against his, his arms locked around him so that no one could take him away.

That more than anything reassured Ray and he stayed calm, knew that panicking wouldn’t help them at all.

It was dark and stuffy in the trunk of some car and they tried not to speak to preserve their air.

Michael was very warm against his side, his breath ruffling his hair as he laid halfway on top of him. Every time they stopped - for a red light or whatever - Michael would shift to shield him completely.

Ray curled his hands against the other’s chest and butted his head beneath his chin.

Like this it was alright, like this they could wait for Geoff and Jack, no problem.

The driver took a sharp turn and they got squished together only to get jolted apart again when they stopped.

The engine cut out and for a moment all Ray could hear was Michael’s breath and his own heartbeat. Then Michael crawled on top of him, pushing him into the back before they even heard the doors of the car opened.

Now he grew nervous but he could feel Michael’s heartbeat beneath his palm and when a distressed noise escaped him, the other instantly shushed him.

The trunk got opened and flooded them with blinding light. Ray closed his eyes and so he could only hear the soft choking noise before Michael vanished. He was just ripped away from around him and Ray quickly opened his eyes again.

The light was white above him and it took a second before someone with a mask blocked it.

“Get out,” they gruffed, and even though it was muffled through the mask, he could tell it was a man.

Ray sat up but apparently it wasn’t fast enough because he instantly was pulled out by his collar and thrown to the ground. He landed next to Michael with skinned knees, but before they could reach for each other, they were jerked to their feet and pushed along.

It seemed like they were in some kind of garage, or something close to it but he didn’t have the time to look around until they were already through a heavy metal door, down a hallway. The lights were cold and harsh above them and the walls were simply gray.

Something industrial maybe?

“The small one is Ramsey’s,” someone said and he threw a look over his shoulder. There had been two guys in the car but suddenly there were five now, all with different blank masks, and he hadn’t heard them before. Had they been in the garage?

He was shoved and turned his head again.

Michael was a few feet ahead of him, the guy from before had a hand on his shoulder and guided him. There was a gun on his hip and something that looked like a baton, Ray guessed the others were similarly armed.

One of their captures hurried ahead and pulled a door open. It had to be heavy, the man grunted and pulled with all his strength to get it to move and a gust of cold fog pooled around their feet.

“A freezer?” Ray snarled. “A bit overkill for some kids, don’t you think?”

“They watched too many shitty Saw movies,” Michael agreed with him, his face wonderfully unimpressed. “Was it Saw? The one with the chick in the fre-”

They were shoved inside and landed on the cold metal ground as the door fell shut behind them.

“What? Not even a little laugh?” Michael called after them before pulling Ray to his feet. “Don’t touch anything metal.”

Nodding, he zipped his hoodie shut and watched as Michael did the same with his jacket. Turning on the spot, he took the room in but there wasn’t much to see.

The blueish light all around came from the lamps above and was reflected by the ice on the walls. Some grisly meathooks were hanging from above, all empty, and he wasn’t sure if that was reassuring or not.

“No windows,” Michael mumbled and his words came out in a fog. “And we can't open the door from inside. Doesn’t look good.”

Ray hummed in agreement as he took in the floor, hoping for some kind of hatch but no such luck.

“Guess we wait for the cavalry.”

“Or that the others make a mistake.” Michael turned towards him and his frown eased. “Did they hurt you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Then come here.” Michael reeled him in and unzipped his jacket again. “Gotta stay warm. We don’t know how long we’ll stay here.”

Nuzzling against the other’s chest, Ray wrapped his arms around his waist and then, as Michael was trying to close the jacket around both of them, he pressed his cold fingers underneath his shirt. 

Michael jerked and hissed, “Hey, same side here, asshole!”

“If you’d hurry up!”

“Not my fault! One of us clearly had one too many pizza rolls and that ain’t me!”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“That’s precisely what I am calling you, now hold still.” Finally Michael zipped the jacket up and they were pressed together, arms wrapped around each other. It felt a bit weird, if only because of the surroundings, and he had to stretch a little to hook his chin over Michael’s shoulder.

“There’s one camera,” he said quietly. “Up in the corner, I can see a little red light flash. If we move to the left up against the wall they won’t be able to see us.”

“But Gavin won’t either. If we hear any kind of ruckus we have to hide there, okay?”

“Got it.” For now, Ray closed his eyes. It was nearly comfortable because Michael was very warm against him and he could feel his fingers painting strange symbols into his spine. The cold burned at his face though, reddened his nose and so he buried it in Michael’s neck, chuckling when the other shivered.

“This is so gay,” Ray mumbled and Michael snorted loudly.

“You are free to go out there and freeze your dick off if you don’t want it close to mine.”

Chuckling, they stood like this for a while longer. There was really nothing else to do, so preserving their warmth and their energy was for the best.

The cold slowly creeped in; Ray could feel it through his thin pants and on his neck. It wouldn’t take long until it reached his hands and that would be bad. They were what would keep him alive if he somehow found a gun.

Michael’s breath was warm where it hit his ear, and like this he could tell when the other held it to listen closely.

“Someone’s coming,” he whispered and Ray lifted his head out of the warm crook of the other’s neck.

“Get ready, we might be able to take them out and get out of here.”

They wiggled around to free themselves out of their cocoon and Ray instantly shivered in the sudden cold. Turning towards the heavy door, he was just in time to see it budge and Michael was already on the way to storm out when Ray grasped him.

He could see the gun before he made out the woman and that was too risky. Geoff and Jack would come in soon enough, no need to risk getting shot.

“That’s Ramsey’s ghost?” the woman said with a scoff. “I’m surprised he can even hold a rifle.”

Okay, fuck her. Ray decided he didn’t like her right then and there with her stupid braided hair and her too sweet perfume, so he gave her the finger. It made her laugh as she turned to Michael.

“And here we have Ramsey’s firefly, Patillo’s boy.”

That was the moment when Ray noticed that things went wrong. 

He still had a hand wrapped around Michael’s arm from before and now he could feel how the other’s muscles went tight.

Michael didn’t even spit some witty answer, just stayed quiet and then Ray could feel a shiver work through his body.

What was going on?

They couldn’t show weakness, not right now!

But here was Michael, taking a step back from the woman to hide behind Ray.

Ray was so dumbfounded for a second that he turned towards him, letting their captor completely out of his sight to stare at Michael.

“What’s wrong, boy? Are you scared?”

He was. By God, Michael looked terrified and Ray didn’t understand why. Michael’s eyes were huge in panic, his shoulders around his ears as he hunched in on himself.

He didn’t make a noise, not a single sound, and when the woman made a step towards them, he shrunk back away from both of them.

What was happening?

Ray had never seen Michael so, so… small.

In this moment he understood maybe for the first time why Geoff sometimes hugged him and told him he was just a child, that he was vulnerable and small. Ray had never learned that, he had never been a kid, no time for that, but it was true.

He could see it in Michael’s terrified face and it scared him.

Was there something he was missing? A secret weapon, an ambush? No, Michael would have pulled him along, away from the danger.

It was the woman and even though Ray didn’t fully understand, he quickly took a step to stand between them.

The woman’s eyes darted to him and he tried to pull himself together. For once, he had to be the protector here.

“So, what do you want, bitch?” he said and okay, his voice didn’t shake. That was good. “Are you giving me the old shovel talk? ‘Say what you know about Ramsey’s plans and we’ll let you go!’ Something along those lines, I guess?”

“Well, if you would be so kind, go ahead.” She reached out and squeezed his face with one hand, her nails cutting into his cheeks. “Besides that I just want to make sure you keep your cute little face because it would be a shame if something would happen to it, right? I’m sure Ramsey pays less for damaged goods.”

“Just money? Groundbreaking,” Ray brought out muffled and didn’t like the way she started to grin.

“Not just money. A lot of money,” she assured him. “I’m sure Ramsey will pay a lot when he sees what we did to the face of your little friend. Wouldn't want that to happen to his own Gunslinger, now.”

Her eyes darted over his shoulder and he could hear Michael make a scared, little noise. In that moment Ray saw red.

It was stupid and unnecessary and Jack had told them so often to stay calm in situations like this but how could he? How could he when Michael was acting so strange?

So he spat in her face.

To be honest, he was surprised of himself, even more so that he nailed her eye and for a heartbeat it grew quiet. 

Then he was shoved to the ground and collided hard with the iced over metal. Her nails left hot streaks over his cheeks but when he tried to laugh, it got stuck in his throat. She kicked him right in the guts and he lost his breath. Curling up on the floor, he tried to protect his front but she was quicker, getting another kick in that nearly made him vomit.

At least she didn’t look at Michael anymore.

Michael who didn’t come to his rescue.

“That was a mistake, sweetheart.” She said it very calm and slow, which made it so much worse. He flinched when she turned on her heels and walked out, throwing the doors shut.

She wouldn’t be gone for long, oh no. He had made her mad and she would maybe clean herself up, maybe get some nice things to play with and come back.

He laid curled up on the floor, trying to catch his breath as he began to shiver. The cold floor numbed his side and he pushed himself up. It hurt, his belly was protesting, and he gave one long whine.

Now his ass was freezing, but his ass didn’t ache so he lingered like this for a moment longer before he turned his head.

“Michael?”

Michael had his arms raised, hands pressing against his head and he didn’t even look at him. He was all the way in the back, pressed against the outer wall and he looked ready to slide down and curl into himself.

“Michael,” Ray called a bit louder and his brother actually flinched.

It hurt his heart and Ray quickly got to his feet. “Michael, what’s wrong?”

His eyes jumped to him, then back towards the ground and his chest was heaving, sucking in breath after breath.

Something wasn’t right. Something was absolutely not right and Ray didn’t know what to do.

When he got closer, Michael hunched in on himself, pressing against the wall and carefully Ray reached out to him. “Come. You have to get away from there, you’ll freeze.”

He tried to keep his voice even and gentle, like he had seen Gavin talk to small animals and slowly, Michael blinked.

“Ray?” he whispered and Ray couldn’t help but smile. He had been a bit scared that Michael wouldn’t recognize him somehow.

That seemed stupid, why would he?

But sometimes when Michael got really sad and scared, he didn’t recognize any of them and Geoff would tell him to wait outside. Jack would always help but Jack wasn’t here.

“What’s wrong, Michael?” he tried again and Michael took a deep breath and held it in.

It sounded loud in the freezing cold as he let it out again. “I can’t think,” Michael whispered, eyes on the ground as he knotted his brows in concentration. “I don’t know why. I don’t- her perfume.”

Her perfume? Yeah, he had noticed it too. Sickeningly sweet, like hot coke in the summer, but by the way Michael shivered just by the thought of it, there was something else.

“What’s with her perfume?” Ray asked carefully. He brushed against Michael’s arm in hopes of pulling him away but his brother staggered away from the touch, his eyes finally on him.

“Don’t,” he hissed as his hands pressed harder against his head. “Please don’t… I don’t want to be touched.”

“Okay,” Ray mumbled and took a step back. His stomach felt strange from those words. Not because he had been kicked but because he was always allowed to touch Michael, to cuddle into his side. He tried not to feel hurt but it was hard. “Okay Michael, but please step away from the wall. You’ll freeze.”

He wasn’t even sure if Michael heard him because now he slid down and hunched in on himself. Ray watched as he tore at his curls hard as he shook his head. “What’s happening?” he whispered to himself. “I can’t think. Why can’t I think?”

“You’re scaring me,” Ray said and that was a low blow, he knew that but he didn’t know what to do. At least Michael looked up to him and something upset crossed his face.

“Don’t be,” he told him but with the same breath, “I’m so scared. She’ll hurt me. She always does.”

What? Did they meet this woman before? 

It was true, Ray didn’t really care about whoever the most criminals were. Geoff told him to shoot them so he did. Gavin would know, Geoff as well but even then, Ray was pretty sure he would remember someone who hurt Michael, who made him so scared.

Unsure of what to do, he crouched down next to Michael and then pulled his hoodie off. It left him only in a thin undershirt but Michael was shaking apart and he wouldn't get him to leave the wall by the looks of it, so he at least had to keep him warm.

“Here,” Ray said as he offered the hoodie and tried to ignore the freezing cold attacking his bare skin. “Put this between you and the wall at least. Come on, Michael.”

Again Michael seemed to preoccupied with his own thoughts and carefully Ray inched closer. Michael tensed up, curled into himself but Ray tried to at least shush him as he wrapped the hoodie around the other’s shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he whispered as he leaned back to give him some distance. “Jack will come really quickly, okay? You know that.”

Slowly, very slowly Michael lifted his head to stare ahead. There was something confused in his face and Ray’s stomach dropped. He looked like… like he didn’t know who Jack was.

And if he didn’t know who Jack was…

“What’s my name?” Ray asked breathless and Michael mouthed something. Something that certainly wasn’t his name, that was a girl’s name, and something horrified curled in Ray’s chest.

“Michael!” he whimpered. Michael couldn't just forget him!

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I made her mad again,” Michael mumbled but Ray just shook his head.

“No. No, please look at me. Please look at me and tell me my name.” He grasped the other’s shoulder, not noticing how Michael wanted to shake him off, tried to get away. “Jack will come very soon! Jack and Geoff and Gavin and Ryan! Michael, you know that!”

“Let me go! Let m-”

“Jack will come and get you! He always will!”

“Let go! Please don’t touch m-”

The door was pulled open again and Ray could feel Michael get rigid beneath his hands, could hear his sharp inhale as the woman entered again.

_ Fuck. _ Fuck, this situation was not under control. This situation was far from being under control and for a terrifying moment he didn’t know what to do because now they were even outnumbered.

The woman brought in two more guards, the same as the ones in the car but the door was left open.

He could run, shoulder past them and get out. He was fast if he wanted to be, nimble and maybe he could hide somewhere until help arrived.

It would be a possibility if Michael was on his side right now. They could both run out, take different routes to throw their pursuers off so that maybe at least one of them could get away.

Not an option right now because Michael wrapped his arms around himself as the woman stepped closer.

So all Ray could think off was to stumble to his feet and stand in front of Michael. He was a meager defense, even more so in his stupid undershirt but he would have to do for now.

The sweet perfume hit his nose again and made him sick because it made Michael like this. It made Michael like this, scared and small, and Ray didn’t understand why.

Michael didn’t remember his name.

“Stay back,” he hissed as if he was any threat at all but he was just grabbed and pulled away. He tried to refuse, felt Michael tug at his pants but he wasn’t strong enough.

Again he hit the floor and the ice burned his skin. He hissed and tried to get back up but he was already pulled to his feet and dragged out by one of the man.

Planting his feet against the slippery ground, he tried to break free but it was of no use.

But Michael was still there and when Ray threw a glance over his shoulder, he saw the woman looming over him and something in him snapped.

“No!” he shouted and tore at those hands holding him back. “Step away from him!”

Michael’s eyes flickered to him where he was cowered and it nearly stole Ray’s breath. He screamed, tried to roar like a lion, anything to scare the woman away but it fell on deaf ears.

He was dragged out of the freezer and out here the air felt stifling, felt like it would choke him as the bruising grip pulled him down the hallway.

He didn’t know where they were going but he also didn’t care. All he could think about was that Michael was in there with that woman, that this woman knew that he was terrified of her and Ray- Ray had to do  _ something! _

A blood curling scream followed them from the room, loud enough to make even his captor hesitate and it was Michael, oh God, _ it was Michael. _

What were they doing?

Ray also cried out as if he was answering his brother, just to make sure that Michael knew he was still around.

They were nearly loud enough to drown out the gunshot but Ray noticed how the hand around his upper hand grew slack. The man hit the ground a heartbeat later and Ray turned around.

“Ryan,” he mumbled as he recognized the mask at the end of the hallway. His shoulders slumped in relief as the other hurried towards him.

“I have Ray, Michael is close by,” he said, probably into a earpiece before crouching down in front of Ray. “You okay?”

He nodded quickly, not even really understanding the question before demanding, “We have to help Michael.”

“I know.” The blue eyes traveled one more time over him before he pulled the gun from the dead man. Ray took it nearly greedily, making sure it was loaded before hurrying back down the hallway. Ryan was right behind him, talking into the earpiece but Ray didn’t care, for all that matters he was going to storm in there himself.

The heavy door was still open and he skipped around the corner, gun raised, and Ryan’s voice bellowed in the closed space, “Step away from the boy and put your hands up!”   
They let go of Michael and he fell to the ground. It sounded hard in the sudden silence but Michael made no noise, just curled up right where he was.

Ray instantly aimed for the woman but Ryan put a hand on his gun and pushed it down.

“Secure him,” he said quietly. “Get him out of here.”

No, he wanted to kill them! He wanted to do it himself because they had hurt them! They had hurt Michael, his big brother, and he wanted to hurt them in return!

Maybe Ryan could read his thoughts or his bloodlust was just too obvious because he quietly added, “They’re Jack’s.”

That made him lower his gun because that was fine. Jack loved Michael so much, he would know what to do. Ray could live with that.

Putting the gun in his waistband, he marched over to Michael and kneeled next to him.

He was breathing and Ray couldn’t see any blood, which was good but he also didn’t react. His eyes were open but stared past him.

“Come on,” Ray said and tried to sound as gently as possible as he reached to throw Michael’s arm around his shoulder. “I’ll get you out. I’ll get you warm, Michael.”

The other followed his movements, no hesitation because it seemed he didn’t even notice what was happening to him. It hurt Ray to see him like that, a colorful bruise already appearing around his eye, but it felt good when Michael leaned against him. He was hobbling, not putting any weight on his left leg and they would have to check on that but later.

Right now Michael felt warm against him and Ray hadn’t even realized how fucking cold it was.

They moved past Ryan, out of this damn freezer, and now he could hear steps closing in on them. He didn’t even bother with reaching for his gun, he realized it was Jack before he could see him, and thank God. Thank God because Michael was slowly lifting his head as Jack called him and that was at least something.

Jack stopped a few feet before them, noticing something was off because Michael just stared and for a moment Ray was sure he didn’t even recognize his guardian. But then the arm slipped from around his shoulder and Michael made grabby hands, giving a soft noise. 

Jack was there instantly, embracing him gently to not hurt him further but with a fierceness that made Ray shiver.

He stood next to them, feeling a bit lost and cold, but then Geoff was there. Skipping around the corner and in the next second Ray was swept right off his feet. He held on tight as Geoff whispered his name, pressing kisses to his cheek and forehead and hair, wherever he could reach.

Making sure that Michael was taken care of, Ray closed his eyes and was surprised by his own quiet sob.

His belly hurt from the kicks and he was cold and still very scared.

“It’s okay, Rayray. It’s fine.” Geoff put him down and instantly wrapped him in his jacket. It was warm and soft, just like Geoff, and he dared to relax a little.

 

That evening he found himself in Geoff’s penthouse, wrapped in every blanket they had found, and let Geoff fuss over him. It was kinda funny to see him so worked up over stupid things like ‘Ray wants ice cream but we are out, oh no’.

He loved Geoff very much in that moment, with a hot soup in front of him and in fuzzy socks that went to his knees because they were Geoff’s own. It made him smile as he borrowed into the little nest of his.

When he woke up from his impromptu nap, Geoff was beside him and was watching him.

Ray threw him a funny look but didn’t say a thing as the other carded through his hair.

“I talked with Jack,” he said. “Michael is feeling way better.”

Ray couldn’t help but smile. Sitting up, the blankets slipped from his shoulders and by now his arm was a mess of bruises from where the guy had dragged him out. It looked way worse than it was, but Geoff’s face still fell as he saw it.

Reaching out, he carefully let his fingers travel over the skin.

“You wanna talk about what happened?”

“I got kidnapped,” Ray told him matter of factly. “You said things like that might happen.”

Geoff nodded before sighing. “You wanna talk about Michael then?”

That made him hesitated and Ray pulled the blankets close again. “I don’t… understand what happened. He said it was her perfume but… but a perfume can’t hurt you, right?”

“But it can make you remember something.” Shifting closer, Geoff let him ease into his side. “Did you ever smell something and suddenly you remember things?”

“I think so.” Gavin’s tea always made him remember the mornings at the base, when they would have breakfast together. It didn’t even matter if it was already dark outside, he still had the distant feeling of a lazy morning.

Or Geoff’s aftershave. Once or twice he had run into other men wearing it and it had been all weird.

“Is that what happened with Michael?”

“We think so, yeah,” Geoff told him. “Someone who hurt him before wore that perfume and he remembered that.”

“Who hurt him?”

This time Geoff hesitated and then shook his head, “I don’t know.”

He was lying, Ray could tell, but right now he also didn’t want to know. It had scared him, Michael's reaction, his words.

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I made her mad again.” _

“He didn’t know my name. He didn’t recognize me,” Ray said before frowning. That wasn’t quite it, not the thing that had disturbed him. “He thought I was someone else. He called me another name.”

Geoff’s finger drew figures against his shoulder. “That must have been scary.”

Ray nodded and nestled his face in the other’s chest. “Will Michael be okay?”

“He will be, Rayray.” A kiss was pressed to the top of his hair and he let his eyes drift shut. “Both of you will be.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah my babies! This scene was requested by AgentNevada and next week we have... Gavin angst requested by Riley.  
> What are you guys doing to me?!


	19. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Smoke by Daughter!  
> Plays somewhere after Lamp Halo!

_ Smoke _

_ There's a man with no face _

_ Just a blurred out portrait _

_ In a photo frame _

_ I'm losing again, I'm losing my friend _

 

Gavin stood by the door and couldn’t move.

He was staring into the living room where he had seen Ryan and Ray before, watching some mindless action movie, and he figured it would be nice to get Ryan his tea.

After all, it was after 5pm and usually Ryan would have made one already, but apparently he had forgotten.

Now the mug was burning his hands.

It hadn’t taken long to make the tea and he had just stopped to talk for a moment with Jack. 

Ray had fallen asleep in that short time, which honestly wasn’t as unusual. But the boy had turned around, had curled into Ryan’s side and was snoring there.

And Ryan didn’t say a thing. Ryan didn’t scoot away or give him a soft shove. No, he just continued to watch that dumb movie.

Gavin wasn’t stupid, he knew that if it was him, Ryan would be awkward, would tell him to cut it out. No cuddling or hugging at the base, where people could see them. Not even if he fell asleep and God, Gavin had tried that. Had faked dozing off in hopes to curl into his guardian.

But Ryan would lay him down next to him and throw a blanket over him or just bring him to bed.

Still, here he was. With Ray curled into his side, watching TV.

It was a bit belated, but now something upset slammed into Gavin. Something jealous, and for a second he considered pouring that tea over Ray to take his place.

It was  _his_ place, he wasn’t allowed to cuddle with Geoff most of the time and Ray just went and cuddled with Ryan? And why did Ryan allow that?

The anger came next. Hot and smoldering, somewhere down in the pit of his stomach. Anger at Ray and anger at Ryan and most of all anger at himself as he figured it was probably his own damn fault. Somehow.

It blinded him, it made it hard to think, and Gavin turned away from the picture.

Not that he had a real goal, so he just headed back to the kitchen without any purpose.

Jack still sat at the table, looking up a bit surprised as he reentered but Gavin didn’t even notice him.

He held the mug over his head and smashed it on the ground.

It was loud in the room, the tea pooling on the tiles and burning his toes.

Fuck Ryan! If he wanted his tea, he should make it himself! He should shove Ray off the damn couch and make his own damn tea, if he wanted it that fucking much!

“Gavin!”

He didn’t listen, just marched through the mess and heard Jack tell him to watch out but that didn’t register. He took the mugs standing in the sink, some from him and some from the others and also threw them to the ground, one after another.

It was as if something was keeping his chest in a tight grip and he knew it was stupid. It was childish and primal and outright  _jealous_ but it wouldn’t stop.

As he ran out of mugs, he took the plates. They were dirty, and normally he would gag just by the thought of touching them but here he was, smashing them against the counter, against the floor as long as he could just drown his own thoughts out in the shattering sound.

He wasn’t even sure if it helped against the pressure in his chest but he couldn’t think. Not with that picture of Ryan and Ray burned into his eyes, and he  _hated_ them.

In this moment he hated both of them because Ray had so much, Ray had Geoff wrapped around his finger, and still he would take from him? And Ryan would never be like this around him, not if he wasn’t absolutely sure they were alone! So why Ray? What was different?

Was it Gavin’s fault? Was it something about him and not Ryan?

_ It wasn’t fair! _

Jack called him but he didn’t care. What he did hear was the door to the living room open and he stopped.

It were Ryan’s steps, he could tell and it seemed impossible that his guardian didn’t hear the whole tumult. 

Good!

Fucking peachy! Now Ray sat there alone as it should be! If he wasn’t allowed to be close to Ryan than nobody else was!

“What the fuck is going on here?” Ryan called before he was even completely in the room.

Gavin was trying to catch his breath when he took in his surroundings. The shards of smashed porcelain, of plates and mugs all over the floor around him, Jack who had froze halfway from standing up from his chair, who turned pale when Gavin put on his brightest smile and turned to Ryan.

“Sorry, Rye!” he chirped and didn’t recognize his own voice. Didn’t know where that cheerfulness came from when everything inside of him felt dark and sick. “I was being clumsy!”

Ryan sighed and rubbed his face. “I told you a hundred times already to watch where you’re going.”

“I’m sorry, Ryan! I won’t do it again!”

“At least make sure to clean everything up.”

“I will, I promise!”

Ryan rolled his eyes and reached for the broom behind the door to hand it to him.

Gavin stared at it but suddenly couldn’t move. The tea was burning his bare feet and the smile stung and couldn’t Ryan tell that it wasn’t real? He should be able to, it seemed so obvious because he was  _ so upset! _

Upset and hurt and he wanted nothing more than to curl up beneath his blanket right now.

Why couldn’t Ryan see that?

Why didn’t he apologize?

“Get out.”

That made both of them turn towards Jack and if even possible Gavin’s heart sank further. Had he smashed Jack’s favorite mug? Jack was always good to him, he didn’t want to make him sad.

“What?” Ryan asked confused but Jack was already next to him, grasping his arm.

_ “Get out!” _

Gavin watched how Jack all but shoved Ryan out, how he closed and locked the door and he couldn’t move. Shouldn’t he… help his guardian?

Instead he just stared at Jack because Jack had to be so mad right now. He had just come in here and smashed everything like a stubborn little baby and he didn’t even know why exactly.

All he knew that his chest was still so tight and his feet started to really hurt but when he tried to move, Jack gesticulated him to wait.

So he watched as Jack took the broom and wiped most of the mess to the side until he could step close enough to pick him up. Gavin let him, just barely hanging on as Jack carried him towards the table and sat him on a chair.

Jack didn’t chastise him or yell at him. He just quietly took a towel and dried his feet and told him to hold on tight to his shoulder because there was a shard stuck in his heel.

Gavin did so but it hurt and he started to cry as Jack pulled it out and now that he started, the tears wouldn’t stop. They were hot while rolling down his cheeks and dripping from his chin into his lap.

He made no move to wipe them away, just watched as Jack took care of him and that was nice.

Jack was always so nice.

If Gavin was honest, he was always jealous.

Jealous of Michael and jealous of Ray. A nasty little feeling in his chest that just wouldn’t go away, and it was bad.

He knew it was a bad feeling and he felt guilty thinking about it. Considering everything, he should be very happy for his brothers.

He was!

He swore!

Because he was also happy, right? He was also very happy and fortunate and he was being a nuisance for not smiling all the time!

“I’m happy,” he sobbed and Jack was kneeling in front of him, looking up, so he closed his eyes. “I am very happy! I-”

Warm arms wrapped around him and Gavin burrowed into the embrace, everything just to be closer. His words were ripped apart by painful sobs and he was just… just so confused by everything.

It didn’t seem to matter because Jack just held him, rocked him a bit and Gavin soaked it up. He was full out weeping now, ugly cries and skipping breaths. Still, Jack pulled him tight, shushed him gently and after endless, clinging, sobbing minutes, his crying turned into soft hiccups.

The warmth surrounding him didn’t disappear and he nearly slipped off the chair to sink into it.

“It’s okay,” Jack whispered into his ear. “Will you tell me what happened?”

For a moment Gavin thought about it but he realized that he was being stupid. He was childish and dumb and Jack would probably laugh at him.

Neither Ray or Ryan had done anything wrong, it had only been in his own mind.

He was at fault here.

Shaking his head, he heard Jack sigh.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded and felt how Jack shifted, tried to look into his eyes and he kept them tightly closed. Didn’t want anyone to see too deeply.

“Hey Gavin. I’m also very happy.” Jack wiped his face clean before kissing his flushed forehead. “I’m very happy that you are here with us.”

  
  


_ The whole of him cascades through my hands _

_ Making a castle on the floor _

_ Then I'm alone again _

_ No keys and three doors _

_ And a smoke filled room _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was requested by Riley and yes, I was also upset.  
> On the bright side; next scene will be fluff so that you guys don't kill me...  
> On the not so bright side; the next scene will come on the 24th October because I'm going on a vacation next week.  
> Sorry about that guys, but I'll make it up to you!


	20. Bathing Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back!
> 
> And GOD, a lot of stuff is happening. I found a new job and will start there in a week (ah, I'm so anxious!) so yeah, stress.  
> Stress everywhere.  
> I will try my absolute best to keep updating normally but please bear with me if I am late or something!
> 
> Besides that - tomorrow will come another NK scene from a very talented guest author! Yay!
> 
> But for now, let's start with this one here!  
> Plays shortly after Lamp Halo

_ “Oh God no!” _

Geoff’s voice was as high pitched as Ray had expected it to be. Now, Michael had bet that Geoff would just throw the door shut again but even though Geoff went for it, he stopped at the last second to lean his head against the frame and took a deep breath.

They waited patiently for him to get a grip before Geoff shook his head.

“Okay… okay, we can deal with this.”

Sure.

“Don’t step in with those shoes. Put them out right now and by God, don’t touch anything!”

Kicking off his shoes, he held onto Gavin’s arm so that he could slip out of his own without touching anything.

Geoff had disappeared into his penthouse, most likely towards the bathroom, and they waited. They hadn’t really been asked inside yet.

“It’s getting itchy,” Gavin said and reached out to scratch his nose. Which was, funny enough, the only part of his face not covered in mud.

It looked stupid, and only because of that did Ray reach out with his dirty hands to splatter some mud there as well.

Way better.

“Some people pay for this stuff,” Michael told them as he watched mud drip from his jacket to the floor with mild interest. “I saw it on TV once.”

“I don’t think they head towards the harbor to jump into the mud there,” Ray said and wondered if Geoff would have a heart attack if he shook himself like a dog right now. Maybe he should wait until he was actually inside.

“We had to help the puppy,” Gavin said. “It couldn’t get out on its own.”

Which was the reason Gavin sent Michael in. But not necessarily the reason why Ray shoved him in next and then figured, fuck it.

But Gavin was right, the stuff was drying and he was starting to itch all over.

“I bet the puppy would have been really soft if it hadn’t been… you know, so dirty,” Gavin blabbered on as Geoff came back in his super expensive suit, and he even hesitated when Ray smirked at him.

“Don’t touch anything,” he repeated as he ushered them inside his open and bright penthouse. Ray wanted to throw himself on the ground and roll around. “Straight into the bathroom and into the tub. Now!”

Maybe next time.

He went ahead into the bathroom and actually didn’t have to touch anything. Geoff had opened the doors and everything.

The water was already running and that was one of the reasons why they had headed straight for Geoff’s apartment. The tub was huge! If Ray cared, he could nearly swim in it, it was so wide!

“Undress and throw everything in that corner!” Geoff ordered and pointed towards the back wall, where he had put a bunch of towels in a false hope to save the walls and the floor.

“You can’t stay in here,” Michael told him as he shrugged his jacket off. “Gavin is shy.”

Gavin probably didn’t give a fuck but he just nodded because he was eying the bottles lining the tub and Ray had to agree, a bubble bath sounded like an amazing idea right now.

He noticed that they started to do that a lot. Playing off of each other like they could read the other’s thoughts.

“It’s my bath!” Geoff protested but it was easy to get him to leave and Ray quickly made sure to lock the door behind him.

“Scrub behind your ears!” Geoff called, but Ray just rolled his eyes. As he turned around, Gavin was already working on getting the whole bottle into the water.

“How did you guys get it on the couch?” Geoff screeched from outside. “You weren’t even close to it!”

“Dude, and I nailed it,” Michael said proudly and Ray couldn’t help but high five him. It made a horrible squelch sound and left brown marks on the mirror.

 

“The water is nasty,” Michael said and Ray silently agreed. Not that they could really see it beneath all those bubbles.

Still, it didn’t seem to stop Michael from taking the washcloth and rubbing Ray’s hair with it. He tried to dug away but Michael was having none of it.

“Dude, hold still. You got that shit everywhere.”

“Says the one who literally rolled in the mud like an animal.”

“Listen, at this point it barely mattered.” He moved down to wipe Ray’s ears. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was actually shit. Kinda smelled like it.”

“Some people also pay for that,” Gavin informed them. He had found Geoff’s stupid rubber duck and watched as it sailed on the water. “I hope the puppy is alright now.”

“If it’s not a stupid mutt and jumped right back in, it should be,” Michael assured him before holding up the washcloth and fuck, okay that thing was actually brown.

“Ray, I know you don’t want to go beneath water but you better take a quick dive because you’re filthy.”

“No way.”

“Don’t worry. Me and Michael will save you if you drown in the tub!” Gavin told him quickly as he leaned against the edge. His hair was nearly blond again after the thorough scrubbing from Michael.

“Don’t you dare,” Ray instantly protested. “I don’t want your guys lips on mine for that CPR shit. Please just let me drown then!”

“Fine.” And with that, Michael unceremoniously pushed him under only to immediately pull him back out. 

“Fuck you,” Ray gasped when he realized what had just happened but Michael just waved him off before continuing to wash him. Across from them Gavin chuckled before pushing himself off and diving as well. When he came back up, he shook himself like a dog and sprayed them all, making his hair stand in every which way.

They all watched his work, the specks of dirty everywhere on the walls and Ray nodded impressed.

“Geoff will kill us,” Michael said and he sounded very pleased with that as he threw the ruined washcloths on top of their clothes before taking a new one. 

Ray hummed in agreement as Michael now rubbed his shoulders and also sent the rubber duck back to Gavin as it drifted his way.

“I thought that was part of the reason why we did that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those who requested fluff. But hey, we're nearing the end...


	21. Play Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin stood on his toes as he peered into the prize machine. There it was, far right corner, nestled in between a treasure chest and a deformed teddy bear. It was a black rabbit wearing a very lovely red jacket. Its ears were pointed at the tips, and its smile could probably be described as demonic.
> 
> He had to have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised a second update for NK, this time by the amazing Riley!
> 
> Go ahead and check her stories out, she wrote a bunch in the Lamp Halo verse that will make you laugh and cry!

Play Things 

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

Gavin stood on his toes as he peered into the prize machine. There it was, far right corner, nestled in between a treasure chest and a deformed teddy bear. It was a black rabbit wearing a very lovely red jacket. Its ears were pointed at the tips, and its smile could probably be described as demonic.    
  
He had to have it.    
  
Weaving in and out of clusters of people, Gavin worked his way towards the back where all the shooting games were. He didn't need to see his brother to know that Ray was in the zone, killing zombies left and right. A few kids had gathered around him to watch. One was even letting him use his back as a step stool.    
  
Gavin waited patiently for the level to end before moving closer and tugging on Ray's shirt. When he had his brother's attention he simply held out his hand, a pleading expression on his face. At once, Ray gave the fake gun controller to one of the boys next to him, then hopped off his temporary step stool and held fast to Gavin's hand.    
  
"I need your help," Gavin said as they stopped in front of the claw machine. His eyes jumped to the far right corner, and relief shot through him when he saw that the bunny was still there.    
  
Ray nodded slowly, stepping up to the front of the machine. He wiggled the joystick and pressed down on the buttons, then leaned closer to examine the drop box inside. His mouth turned down in a frown. "The stick is a little loose, and the box is curved inward on an angle instead of being a basic square."    
  
Ray took the token Gavin offered him and slipped it into the machine. He grabbed the stick and moved it around so that the claw did a circuit around the box. He hovered over a random toy and hit the button, eyes narrowed in concentration. He studied how the claw lowered and pinched, took note of the way it moved on the way to the box. The toy bounced on the edge of the drop box, and Gavin sighed. If it was rigged then there was no way he'd be leaving with the bunny.    
  
Instead of being discouraged however, Ray simply scoffed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few coins of his own, sending Gavin a confident grin. "Gimme five minutes."    
  


-^-

 

Gavin hugged the rabbit tightly to his chest as he twirled in a circle around Ray. True to his word, it only took three tries for the boy to successfully—and legitimately—rescue the bunny from his imprisonment. Not too shabby if he said so himself. Which he did.    
  
"You're the best, Ray!" Gavin threw his arms around his brother, giggling happily. "You have to name him. It's only fair since you're his hero." He held the toy up to Ray's face and waited patiently for him to decide.

 

Ray stared deeply into the white fabric eyes of the rabbit, his own brown eyes losing focus for a moment before he blinked and took a step back. “Fluffy McStuffins,” he said with an air of familiarity. “That's his name.”    
  


Gavin nodded seriously, then booped Ray on the forehead, causing the serious boy to giggle in surprise. “I wanna introduce Fluffy to Michael. Where is he?” 

 

Ray pointed to a sign above the entrance to the arcade. There was a pIcture of a tiny mountain with an arrow pointing to the left. “He said he was gonna try rock climbing. I think Ryan went with him because the workers said Michael was too small to go by himself.”

 

Gavin thanked him for the information, and after a quick hug, the gunslinger set about finding his big brother. The crowd was thinner outside of the arcade, less jostling, sweaty bodies and more teenagers sitting in booths or leaning against walls. He waved away concerned looking parents who wanted to report him, saying he knew exactly where his guardian was. Which was true, not that it was any of their business. 

 

He finally found the large, open space where the rock walls were set up and his eyes immediately went to the top of the highest wall. There was Michael, smugly grinning down at the workers who had denied his entry without an adult. Gavin giggled and called out to him, waving his new friend over his head. 

 

“That’s a nice bunny you got there.”

 

Gavin turned his head, then had to look up. A tall, scruffy looking boy nearly towered over him, his arms crossed over his chest. Gavin tried his best not to take a step back. Next to Ray, he was the worst when it came to interacting with people, especially ones around their age. 

 

“Thank you,” he mumbled. “My brother got it for me.” 

 

“I want it.” 

 

Gavin blinked owlishly, then he smiled a little. “It's not from a store. It came from the prize machine! I didn't see any other bunnies, but–”

 

“I  _ said _ _,”_ –a large, beefy hand shot out and grabbed one of Fluffy’s ears. “I. Want. It.”

 

Gavin held tight to Fluffy as the kid  _ yanked _ , almost rising off of his feet. It was like trying to stop a kite from flying off in a tornado. With both hands secured around Fluffy’s torso he planted his feet and pulled, face scrunched up in determination. There was no way in hell he was letting his new friend get stolen! 

 

And that's when he heard the fabric tearing. 

 

“MICHAEL!” Gavin screamed at the top of his lungs, tears springing to his eyes. 

 

Michael had already started to descend the wall when he saw the older boy approaching Gavin. Now he scrambled to get the safety harness off, ignoring the people in charge of the rock wall as they tried to help. He sprinted as fast as he could, eyes narrowed, body getting low to the ground to maximize the power of his attack. He leaped into the air just as Gavin screamed again, body almost completely horizontal as both feet caught the bully square in the chest. 

 

The kid hit the ground like a sack of bricks, too winded to even cry out in pain. Michael got his bearings and was ready to kick ass, despite the fact that he only came up to the kid’s shoulder. But a soft sniffling drew his attention back to Gavin. His little brother was on the floor, clutching his rabbit to his chest, and holding something long and pointed in his hand. It wasn't long until Michael realized that one of the rabbit’s ears had been torn off in the scuffle. White stuffing oozed from its head.

 

“Gavvy?” Michael approached him slowly, like one would a wounded animal. Gavin looked up to him, bottom lip trembling, tears gathering in his eyes. 

 

A small crowd had gathered around them, and like a shark, Ryan fought his way forward. He took in the scene: big kid curled up into a ball, Michael, Gavin crying on the floor. He addressed the most important problem first. 

 

Ryan scooped Gavin up with ease, letting the boy hide in his chest as Michael held on to his leg. Concerned parents were casting doubtful looks his way, but he ignored them. His gunslinger was shaking in his arms and hadn't said a word to him. They had to leave. Now. 

 

As soon as Jack appeared with Ray in tow, the group set off for the base. Geoff greeted them once they arrived, still coming down from his hangover of cold medicine. But when he saw the distressed look on Ryan’s face he sobered up pretty quickly. 

 

Michael told everyone what happened over dinner, which Gavin spent curled up on the couch with his bruised friend. He fell asleep like that, drying tear tracks on his face. No one had the heart to wake him, and he was eventually carried upstairs to his room.  

 

-^-

 

When Gavin woke up next he was in his bed, alone, and Fluffy McStuffins was nowhere to be found. He searched the covers, becoming frantic after he ended up getting tangled in them himself. 

 

Fluffy was gone! What if someone threw him away because they thought he was broken? Or that Gavin didn't want him? His eyes grew wet again, angry tears this time. This was all that stupid bully’s fault. How dare he ruin something so special! How dare he destroy a gift meant just for him! How dare—

 

“Gavin?” 

 

That was Ryan, and he sounded concerned. He hadn't said much after they arrived home, but Gavin was too distraught to take notice. Now, as he hurried to break the surface of the covers, he realized that his guardian had been strangely absent. Was he upset that he had made a scene at the arcade? 

 

Ryan was sitting at the foot of his bed when Gavin finally managed to untangle himself. After a while of just looking at each other, the man hesitantly opened his arms and Gavin didn't waste a second. He crawled into his guardian’s lap and clung to his shirt, resting fully against his chest. A warm hand came up to rub his back. 

 

“I'm sorry about your friend. Uhh..”

 

“Fluffy McStuffins.”

 

Ryan nodded. “Right, Fluffy. He was a bit banged up when you brought him home, huh?” Gavin nodded, rubbing his cheek against his guardian’s shoulder. 

 

“I-I can't find him. You didn't throw him out, did you?”

 

“Of course not!” Ryan played up his shock, holding Gavin by his tiny shoulders as he pushed him back a little. “Admittedly, when I first saw him I thought “Damn, glad I'm not him”. But I figured if he survived losing an ear, he deserves a second chance.” 

 

Like a magic trick, Ryan reached behind his back and revealed—

 

“Fluffy!” Gavin gasped, eyes wide with disbelief. It was really him! He looked like nothing had happened, aside from the white ribbon tied into a bow around the base of his left ear. “You fixed him!”

 

Ryan wiped away the tears on his cheeks, not quite smiling as he gave Fluffy a once over. “I must say, he's the first one to not shout when I jabbed a needle into him.” 

 

Gavin giggled, throwing his arms around Ryan’s neck. He hugged him as hard as he could, trying to convey all of his mushy feelings in a way that wouldn't embarrass his guardian. He was so lucky to have him, so grateful that the universe aligned in such a way that brought them together. 

 

“Thank you, Ryan.” 

 

_I love you. _

 

Ryan hugged him back, pressing a soft kiss into his hair. It was difficult, learning to show affection again. He knew he wasn't as good as Jack and Geoff, who handed out hugs and praise like it was going out of style. But Gavin understood, and was okay with waiting for him to catch up. 

 

_I love you, too. _

 

Maybe someday soon they would say it out loud. 

  
  
  
  
  


______________________________

 

Notes: 

Here is Fluffy McStuffins in all of his glory. 

http://www.nekotaku.es/tienda/images/4401A.jpg   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already, check out Riley's stories! They are great, I promise!
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer
> 
> Also get ready for a Halloween special next week. It's gonna get spooky!


	22. Lightning Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What better way to do this than blow up the weapon storage of one of the big bad guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon requested Jack getting hurt.  
> How dare you.  
> Plays a few months after Novo!

Lightning Field

 

"20 seconds to get out once I say go," Michael said, and through the earpiece Jack could hear his voice loud and clear. His boy was excited, like he always was when he got the chance to blow something up. After fleeing from Los Santos, it hadn't happened that much anymore, mainly because they were lying low for a while to avoid getting found by any remaining members of the project.

But now they had to make themselves known in Achievement City, assuring that whatever crews roamed the city knew who they were and not to mess with them.

What better way to do this than blow up the weapon storage of one of the big bad guys?

Gavin had easily found it down by the docks. Old and abandoned warehouses, only that they didn't look old and abandoned with the bunch of guards and the cameras all around. The cameras hadn't been a problem, Gavin had only laughed at them. Jack was pretty sure he was munching on chips or something alike in his new office as he gleefully hacked the system.

Ray and Ryan had picked off the guards while Jack and Geoff watched Michael's back as they went inside. The few stray guards were shot before they could scream.

It felt good to be back from small, stupid heists to this, even though Jack could feel how nervous they all were. Ryan was probably the worst, asking over and over again if Gavin was alright.

Neither of the had forgotten the last time Gavin had stayed back alone.

But Gavin assured them that it was fine and so they continued.

Still, while Michael readied the bomb in the room behind Jack, he couldn't deny that he had a bad feeling. He just hoped it was stage fright.

"Everyone out?" Geoff asked next. He was by the entrance of the warehouse, making sure nobody got in. Jack could see him from here as he paced around.

Ray and Ryan confirmed that they were by the car and Jack readied himself to sprint out of here the moment Michael gave them the go.

"Okay Michael. Ready when you are," Geoff told him.

Michael didn't give an answer right away which was surprising enough. Confused, Jack moved and even though he should stay here and make sure that nobody was going to rush inside, he turned around and moved inside the next room.

Michael was kneeling in front of the door leading into the storage area. They had only briefly been inside, so that he could plant a few charges and now he held a little silver box in his hand. Jack had listen to Michael enough to know it was the heart of this whole explosion, the thing that would send out the signal to explode.

Michael's hand was holding so tightly onto it, that it was shaking as the boy leaned his forehead against the heavy door.

"Michael?" Jack asked as he touched his shoulder.

The boy flinched but didn't look up and so Jack crouched down next to him.

Michael was gritting his teeth in concentration but his eyes were closed. He was trying very hard to hide how heavy he was breathing.

His head, Jack realized. His head had started to hurt again in one of those horrible migraine episodes he would sometimes get.

It hurt his heart, by God, it always did.

Those things would flare up suddenly, and they were violent and merciless, sapping any energy Michael had.

Reaching up, Jack muted his earpiece and then took Michael's out. Noises made it worse.

"Michael," he said again and the boy gave a soft grunt to let him know he was listening. "Let that thing go. I'll take you to the car."

Michael shook his head and carefully opened his eyes. Not far, only so that he could see the silver box. Around his wrist he had bound a cable that Jack hadn't noticed before and when he tried to loosen it, he helped him.

"Where does it go?" he asked because Michael's hand were shaking so hard that there was no way he would connect anything. Jack took the box and the cable and could feel how clammy both things were.

There were a few slots for different cables and Michael moved carefully, counting them until he pointed to the fourth one.

"You sure?" He really didn't want to die in a fiery explosion right now, but Michael nodded. It hurt the boy, he could hear him wince and saw him reach for his head. He touched the place over his left eye that was usually hidden by his hair but now he pushed it aside to touch the dent the bullet had left.

"Everything alright?" Geoff called from the front and Jack looked up.

He knew Michael wouldn't want to be seen by anyone like this, but more than anything he wanted Geoff to take the boy and bring him to safety while he would try to figure out this bomb. A hand tucked at his sleeve and it reminded him of the thousand times Michael had done that before, so he found himself answering, "We're fine. Move outside already, we'll be right behind you."

"Thanks," Michael brought out. It was barely more than a breath but Jack squeezed his hand. Turning back to the silver box, he carefully inserted the cable into the fourth slot. There was a beep and then a green light that began to flash. Tilting the thing towards Michael, the boy nodded.

"What now?"

"Out."

"Wait, it's going?"

Michael nodded again and tried to push himself up. Jack was faster, slinging an arm around his middle to pull him to his feet. "Fuck, I thought I had to flip a switch or something!"

He wanted to scold him, tell him that a warning would have been nice but Michael was stumbling over his own feet, his face twisting with the pain shooting through his head. So Jack simply pulled him on, out of the room and down the long hallway. He could make out Geoff in the entrance but he was already on the way towards them to help. Which was good because Michael's head lolled and Jack had trouble holding him up for a second.

How much ti-

A click behind him made him fall to his knees and he buried Michael beneath him. Maybe he also screamed at Geoff to get down but he wasn't sure as he covered the boy.

For a few heartbeats nothing happened and maybe he had misheard, may-

The explosion followed and Michael had assured them it would be mostly on the storage area. Evacuating the building was just a safety measure and it seemed to be true. Jack could feel the heat, could hear the boom that made Michael scream and clutch his head but there was nothing more than a distant rumble that followed.

He was already lifting his head again, when a second explosion followed and this one forced him back down. The shockwave was scolding hot as it traveled over his back, the ground beneath was shaking violently and Michael was still screaming.

Jack could hear it even over this whole noise, could see the boy try to press his hands against his temples, his ears, his eyes - everywhere he could reach.

The explosion stopped eventually but Michael didn't. Jack tried to sit up, to pull him along and get out of here in case this whole thing was going to collapse on their heads but he felt like he couldn't move. Hunched over Michael, his boy was save even if he was gasping for breath to scream his pain out, even if hot tears ran down his face as if that would help.

Jack shakily tried to shush him down because he was trembling, his whole being was from the close call.

Then Geoff was there and pulled him to sit up. Geoff was talking very fast and half of his words were curses so he seemed to be alright. Jack didn't care to check, his eyes still on Michael who was writhing on the floor in agony.

He needed to get him home and into bed, where it was quiet and dark.

Yeah... yeah, he should get to that.

It was Geoff who was now bending over Michael, still talking, talking, talking. He pulled the boy against him, ignoring how Michael fought against being moved and then Geoff turned towards Jack.

He was talking to him but Jack couldn’t make out the words. For the first time he noticed that his head was spinning and his back felt strangely numb. From the shockwave, he guessed.

Ryan appeared out of nowhere to sit down next to him and move his arm. It sent a white hot jolt of pain through him but he choked on the noise because Geoff was moving away with Michael, was dragging him outside. It looked so violent because Michael was twisting and screaming but Jack didn't find the strength to go there and pick him up.

It was Ryan who helped him along, throwing the arm over his shoulder and Jack groaned in pain. For the first time he glance over his shoulder to see the door he had just  kneeled in front of a few moments ago, totally gone. Had something inside the storage area exploded?

He didn't know and he couldn't think anymore because Ryan moved and the pain nearly knocked him right out.

There was blood on the floor and he guessed it was his own.

Turning back around, Geoff had dragged Michael outside and then Ray appeared. Ray appeared with his long rifle on his back and reached out as if he wanted to pick up Michael who was taller and heavier than him. But instead he just touched Michael's arm and somehow, it calmed the boy down.

Jack allowed himself to take a deep breath and close his eyes even though Ryan was talking to him, was pushing him on and so he just followed the other's lead.

The next thing he knows is that he's in a car. He's sitting in between the seats in the back, hunched over them. It's a strange position to be in but a hand is keeping him there.

It's Geoff who's sitting on the passenger seat and he tells him something about his back and shrapnel and things like that. Jack doesn't listen because now his head starts to hurt but Michael is laying in front of him. He's stretched out on the backseat and his legs are kicking or pulling close with the grunts he lets out between his clenches teeth. Ray is sitting next to Jack but he's concentrating on Michael.

Both of them have their foreheads pressed together and Ray is mumbling something that Jack can't understand. He just watches their entwined hands and how hard Michael is grasping it.

His boy is still in pain but when he moves, he gets hold back again.

This time Ray looks up and his eyes soften in worry.

Jack reaches out to him and noticed that his sleeve is red from blood. His hand falls back down.

"I’ll take care of him," Ray says and he looks old in that moment. "Me and Gavin will. So don't worry."

It sounds ominous, like Jack was going to die, but he believes him and then he blacks out.

 

He didn't remember much of what happened next. One time he could hear Michael scream but it was far away. Too far away, Jack would never allow him to be that far away while he was hurt. Ray would be with him, Ray had promised that.

He was also in pain, Jack realized. Moving hurt as he was pushed around. At least it felt like he was pushed around, later he would realize it wasn’t like that.

Ryan wasn’t next to him anymore, someone else he recognized briefly, but right now it barely mattered.

Michael’s cry faded out either because he blacked out or Michael did.

 

The next thing Jack knew, he woke up in their infirmary. He was laying on his front like Michael usually did.

His back hurt.

It was still distant but he knew it wouldn’t take long until it would come with full force.

Blinking, he tried to look around but he felt tired and exhausted. It wasn’t until he could make out someone sitting a few beds away that he pushed himself up.

It was Gavin, he could see the blond hair from here. It nearly seemed to glow in the harsh light.

The boy looked up when he heard Jack stand and couldn’t help but frown, “You shouldn’t move yet. You lost blood.”

Jack didn’t bother answering, he just carefully moved towards the boy, and sure enough he found the other two close by.

Michael was asleep on the bed, turned on his side and pale as a sheet. There was dirt on his face, from the explosion and two tracks clearly showed where his tears had run down.

Ray laid behind him, also asleep. He barely managed to squeeze in the bed as well, curled into Michael’s back with his arms tightly wrapped around his brother.

If Michael decided to move, Ray would surely land on the floor but for now he had his nose pressed into Michael’s neck to be as close as possible.

“He finally fell asleep,” Gavin said softly. He was clasping one of Michael’s hand in between his own. “Is it always this bad? I think it is. Sometimes I see how exhausted he is after having one of those fits. I wish I could help.” He let his eyes travel over those two tightly curled together. “Both of them.”

Jack’s first thought was that they needed bigger beds because he was pretty sure Gavin would have sandwiched Michael in between them if he could. But there was simply not enough space for him to squeeze in as well.

So instead Jack let a hand drop on Gavin’s head. The dyed hair was flattened and Jack wondered how long he was already sitting here.

“They are both very strong,” he told him and felt Gavin nod. “That’s what I am telling myself each time.”

“It’s not fair,” Gavin said. He tried to keep his voice leveled, no matter how agitated he was. “Seizures and this shit. They don’t deserve this. It’s not fair!”

“I know.”

Gavin huffed but took a deep breath next to calm down. Jack let him, his eyes on Michael who looked so pale even with the dirt clinging to his face.

It really wasn’t fair or maybe it was. If the alternative was for Michael to die from that bullet…

Shaking his head, he pushed the thought away. Something he had to do a lot nowadays only that this time it made him dizzy.

He grasped Gavin’s chair and the boy turned towards him.

“You should lay down again, Jack,” he told him. “I’ll watch over Michael for you.”

“Okay.”

 

He wakes when someone crawls into his bed and now his back feels like it's on fire. He can’t help himself but wince when he gets moved.

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered into his shoulder. His voice is heavy with tears and when Jack opens his eyes, his boy looks wrecked. “I’m so sorry, dad. I really am. I should have told you that my head was starting to hurt but we were all so excited. I should have sent you out before finishing the bomb, I should have given you a heads up and I sh-”

“Michael,” he interrupted him and lifted his arm to allow him to snuggle up to him. “Michael, we’re all alright.”

“You got hurt.”

“I’m fine. I really am. I promise.”

Michael didn't look too convinced but he allowed Jack to pull him close and drop a kiss on his curls. His hair smelled like sweat and gunpowder. It was familiar.

“It’s all okay,” he promised. A few beds over, he could still see Ray sleeping, now on his back. Gavin was still sitting on the chair but was slumped over and snoring next to his brother. It made him smile.

“We’re all alright, pumpkin.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is the last chapter of Nowhere Kids and with this we will leave those three kids behind. Ah, my babes...
> 
> Besides that, check out my Halloween fic - it started as a Nowhere Kids scene and then grew to around 20k words, I think?  
> Whoops?  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8432908/chapters/19319815


	23. Beginning's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to go home,” he whispered but nobody was listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lads in the project was requested by Riley!

Beginning’s End

 

Ray stared down at his bare feet.

He had new shoes, the first time he had shoes with laces, and that meant he was one of the big boys now! He was allowed to go outside and train with the other children there!

Instead he sat on the floor in front of his room and turned the shoes this way and that way.

He couldn’t remember.

One of those people with the funny clothes had showed him how to tie his shoes but now he couldn’t remember it. The two laces looked foreign and he couldn’t imagine how to bring them together.

It was upsetting him. He was a big boy now and still he couldn’t do that! Also he had to get ready quick, the grown ups got mad when he didn’t do things right or got too late.

Sniffing, he looked around. Most gunslingers were already gone, off to their next destination, and he was nearly left completely alone.

A shadow fell on him and he recoiled, raising his arms quick to hide away but nobody screamed at him.

“Do you need help?”

Ray froze.

One of the older boys stood over him and he didn’t dare to look up to him, his eyes locked on bruised up knees.

None of the other Gunslinger talked with each other, nobody had ever talked to him. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do, and he quickly pulled his knees against his chest.

If he would stay quiet and didn’t move… maybe the other would just go aw-

The boy sat down in front of him and Ray’s mind filled with panic.

They were breaking the rules! That wasn’t allowed, they would get punished!

His eyes filled with tears but he fought them down, knew it would only make it worse.

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” the boy said and Ray’s eyes darted up before he could stop himself.

The boy was a bit older than him and didn’t hesitate to take his shoes. His hair was really short, as if it had been cut recently, but his eyes were kind.

Ray relaxed a little when he saw them. They were brown like his but there was something inside of them, something he had never seen before. Like a tiny light somewhere in them.

Maybe the other was sick?

“I’ll do this one and you do the next then, okay?”

Ray didn’t have the courage to answer but he watched over his knees how the other slipped his shoe on his feet. With slow movements he bound them, explaining with a calm voice what he was doing and in a matter of seconds the bow was done.

“Now you! Just like I showed you!”

The second shoe was shoved into his face but the boy looked at him so encouragingly that Ray barely hesitated to take it. He slipped into the shoe and then took the laces between his fingers. Slowly, he recreated the movements he had just witnessed with his brows furrowed in concentration.

In the end his bow wasn’t as pretty as the other but he felt proud enough to look the other in the eyes. The boy smiled warmly, mouth opening to say something before he hesitated.

Instantly Ray was worried again. Maybe he had done something wrong, had taken too long but then the other boy touched him.

Something rushed through Ray, the need to fight and the need to flee but in the end he just held still. The boy was holding his face and his skin was warm. 

Ray did know that touches could be warm, no, hot even. Hot enough to hurt when he did something wrong. They made a clapping noise but were so brief that the pain settled in a little later.

This touch here was very gentle and maybe he wanted to lean into it.

“Gonna make those disappear before they see,” the boy whispered and in the next second he wiped Ray’s tears away. He hadn’t even noticed that he had let them escape and should be glad but it was too much.

He shied away from the warmth and the gentleness and this strange boy. He wanted to be alone so that he didn’t have to feel so many things and think such confusing thoughts.

Still, he didn’t voice his thoughts, just let it happen, and then the boy stood again.

He held a hand out for Ray to take but he shied away, back pressing against the door as he curled into himself and suddenly he was scared. He didn’t know why, he just knew he was, and the other boy sighed quietly.

“Okay,” he said. “Just make sure you’re not too late.”

Right, he had to hurry up but even knowing that, it took him awhile to find the courage to look up. The other boy was gone and he was nearly alone now.

Confused, he reached out to his cheeks but his own fingers weren’t as warm. They were cold and calloused, like he was used to.

But his shoes had two pretty bows and slowly he got onto his feet to hurry towards breakfast.

 

After eating and washing up, Ray hurried through the corridors to catch up on his lost time. Usually running wasn’t allowed inside but nobody was around and he reached the small waiting area in time.

There was another boy waiting there but it wasn’t the one with the kind eyes. This boy here was sitting in the corner, crying his eyes out but Ray didn’t care. He waited on the opposite side, hoping the other wouldn’t talk to him.

He didn’t know how to talk with others.

But it was unusual. Normally he had his shooting training alone. After all the big shooting range was outside, where he sometimes trained with the other gunslingers.

He liked when that happened. They weren’t as good as him.

It was assuring to see that.

The door opened and a woman grabbed the crying boy, ignoring his struggling as she pulled him inside. Ray followed along and with a nod she beckoned him towards the single desk in the room.

He sat down, waited until it was his turn as she pulled the boy on.

He felt a bit sick as he heard the other boy scream and knew that he would get punished. He had done something wrong and Ray just hoped he wouldn’t get used as a target.

It felt strange shooting at humans.

It happened more often now. Peasants, as the guards called them. Homeless, criminals, Gunslingers who failed.

They would move around and beg and cry. Ray liked quiet targets, he didn’t like noise.

A man brought in a tablet and put it in front of him.

It was his gun, all in parts, and he began the routine motion of cleaning the parts before snapping them back together.

 

* * *

 

Gavin felt sick. The screen before him was blurry with tears, a bright bluish picture on it somewhere. The headset was in his hands but those were shaking too much to put it on.

He was in a room with ten other kids, all sitting on their own set-ups. Two men were moving between the desks and a third one was explaining with a stern voice, “The last three participants in this simulation will get punished.”

He was going to throw up. This was a test, they had said it was a test and he had been a bit nervous, but now he was terrified.

Punished could mean to get sent to bed with no food.

But he had also seen when it meant to hurt you. To beat you or worse.

“I want to go home,” he whispered but nobody was listening. There was no one who would listen to him, he had become someone without a voice.

He was sorry.

He was sorry for what he had done and he wanted to go back home.

He would be a good boy now! He promised!

It was too late for that now.

“Your goal is to guide your teammate out of this maze without getting detected,” the man continued like this was normal. It wasn’t normal! This was wrong!

Gavin sobbed quietly but it didn’t help. Crying didn’t helped, he had done it too many times since getting here.

Here were his room was white and cold and where ladies talked to him with mean words and where he had been punched.

He had never been punched before, not like that. While fighting with his brother, yes. One time his mommy had lost her calm but she had been so sorry.

This punch had been to shut him up and he had been too shocked to really react to it. His jaw had hurt and he had started crying.

Back then it hadn’t helped and now it didn’t either.

He realized that the others had already started and he just sat there.

Headset shaking in his hands, screen a blur in front of him.

Sniffing, he reached up to wipe his eyes. Crying didn’t help, no matter how much he wanted it to.

Looking around, he watched the other kids already working, quiet voices talking over the headset.

They were all hackers or coordinators. Ten in total.

He just had to be in the top seven.

With shaking hands he put his headset on, “Hello?”

“Finally!” It was a girl, her words harsh and it made him flinch. Again he sniffed and she had to notice but also didn’t seem to care. “What were you doing? We’re losing time!”

“I’m sorry…” he whispered.

“I don’t want to be punished just because you are having a crisis!”

“I was scared.” He knew that she was as well, she just hid it a bit better.

“I don’t care! Let’s go!”

“What’s your name?”

That made her hesitate and he looked up to the screen. She stood still at her starting point, now craning her neck to stare into the camera.

“Number five,” she finally said and his heart sank. That wasn’t a name.

He was Gavin, he wasn’t number nineteen.

“Okay,” he still said because she was here longer. Wave 1, he was nothing against her. “I’ll guide you out now, okay? Just listen to me.”

 

He placed third. Somehow, even though he wasted time in the beginning he placed third. He wondered if he could have been the best if he hadn’t been so scared.

No way to find out.

Still, he couldn’t keep his food, not while thinking back about the three kids they had dragged out of the room to punish.

This was a nightmare and he wanted to go home.

“I did good today, right?” he asked the guard who lead him back to his room. It was a woman, her brown hair pulled into a ponytail.

She didn’t answer, they never did but he needed to talk. He was going insane without talking, without communicating. Even if it was one-sided.

Talking with number five had felt good, even if it were only directions but she had nodded, had listened.

It made him feel like he was real, like he was close to waking up somehow.

“Do I get a treat because I was good?” he blabbered on. “I would like a nightlight. It gets really dark and monsters come out at night.”

The woman stopped in her tracks and he nearly ran into her. For a single moment he was sure she would answer him but they were by his room and she took a hold on his shoulder to shove him inside.

“Wait!” he called out but the door was shut in his face.

He stood in front of it as if he expected it to open again. Maybe the woman would come back with a nightlight?

He was really scared at night. It was terrifying.

There were no noises besides himself but he couldn’t help but listen. Waiting for unknown steps closing in on his little bed, a white face looming over him in the dark, and even now in the light, he shivered.

At home he had a nightlight in the form of a little kitty. He also had a plush tortoise he would hold tight until he fell asleep.

Now he just hurried to his dresser like each evening. He pulled the string from his jacket before hurrying to the cupboard next to the shelf.

It contained his different pair of shoes and fresh sheets, nothing more but if monsters came in, it would be from there. With steady hands he tied the string around the handles until he was sure, nobody would be able to tear it open easily.

Pulling a few more time to make sure, he undressed and climbed into his bed. The only safe place here seemed to be under his blanket, so he curled up there and pressed his single pillow against his chest.

It only took a few minutes until the light went out and he closed his eyes, whimpering into his pillow.

He would soon fall asleep and wake up.

Wake up at home where his kitty night lamp would greet him and the tortoise was on the floor because he kicked it out of bed in the night.

Soon. 

 

* * *

 

Michael threw himself onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow. A soft smack told him that he had missed the bedside table but he didn’t care.

He didn’t want to study the folder even though that was the reason why he was allowed early into his room. Here it was calm and he could concentrate.

He just didn’t want to.

Peeking out from his pillow, he glanced at the white folder now laying on his floor, which held his future inside.

_ Jack Pattillo _ _,_ was written on the front. Black letters, eleven in total.

Of course there was more information inside, things he had to learn now.

Age, job, personal relationships, allergies.

Everything Michael needed to know to protect his guardian.

A life in a few pages.

It was probably fair enough.

His life barely filled one page.

If Michael would open the folder, he would see a photo of his guardian. A first glimpse of the man he was going to give his little life for.

A part of him knew it was an honor - it really was!

But what if he didn’t like this man? What if this man didn’t deserve his protection?

It wasn’t his choice to make, he knew that. If someone would go after this man, after this Jack, he would give his life. No questions asked.

But this man could be cruel. Could be mean.

To be honest, most people were. If not everyone.

Kids were alright. Sometimes loud or they cried a lot but they usually were nice.

Michael liked the kids, they didn’t hurt him.

He was pretty sure people got cruel when they turned 21 or something. Adults were dangerous and you always had to be cautious around them.

This Jack was probably not different. 

At least it wasn’t a woman. Women were even worse, their words cut deeper.

Michael was scared; that was the sad truth.

Once again his life was changing without him having any control over it and by now he had learned that it only got worse.

He guessed this would end in his death.

That was what those people expected, right? Missus Reese and the project and this Jack.

So he would just do what was expected from him. He wasn’t yet sure if he wanted it to happen sooner or later. That probably depended on Mister Patillo.

Groaning, he rolled onto his back and pressed the pillow against his face.

He didn’t want to go and he didn’t want to stay here either. He wanted those things to stop!

He smothered his noises until he had to let the pillow sink and take a deep breath. His lungs protested against it and it stung in his eyes but he swallowed until it passed. Letting his arm fall from the bed, his fingers brushed the folder and with a deep sigh, he picked it up.

Holding it in front of his face, he stared at those eleven little letters.

“Be nice,” Michael whispered. He wasn’t even sure who he was talking to. If it was this Jack or a God or a guardian angel of some kind. “Please… please be nice. Don’t get mad or scream or hit me. That’s all I’m asking for, so… so  _ please.” _

 

The guard held the door open for him and Michael had no choice but to slip into the office. It was strange to be out of the facility. They had drove here with a car but he had been instructed to close his eyes, so he had. 

Now he was in the city and it was loud and bright and filled with artificial lights all around him. It scared him a little but it got better when they were in the elevator even though he was nervous. 

Being nervous didn’t help, so he swallowed it down.

In the office sat Missus Reese and he quickly averted his eyes. He didn’t like looking at her; it made him scared and angry.

She instructed him to sit down while she checked on her watch, still he didn’t move.

There were two other boys already sitting on chairs and that wasn’t part of the deal. He was meant to get picked up by Mister Pattillo today, so what where those two doing here?

Only one of them turned to catch a glimpse of him.

His face was flushed like he was trying hard not to cry, his eyes big and wet and green.

Michael had seen him before, had passed him by.

He didn’t know his rank or name.

Missus Reese threw him an irritated look and that made him move. He sat down in between the boys and folded his hands in his lap to wait.

It was happening now. Nothing left to stop it, just a few more minutes until his life changed once again.

It made his stomach churn and he felt like he had to throw up but Missus Reese would get mad then, so he just swallowed and took a deep breath.

“You are one of our test groups,” Missus Reese said from behind her desk. Michael didn’t dare to glance at her but he could see that the boy next to him, the one with the dark hair, was listening intently. He was sitting so still and calm that he looked like a doll.

“You three will join one and the same crew. What the crew does with you is up to them but we will keep a close eye on you.”

Together with those two?

Nobody had told him that!

It made his head spin because he didn’t know if that was good or bad. He had prepared so long for this moment only for it to be changed once again.

The boy who had turned towards him before, did it again and when Michael lifted his head, he found those big eyes staring at him. They looked haunted and Michael could understand that.

He felt the same.

Turning around, he took a look at the second boy but he didn’t react. His face was unmoving and impassive, like a lot of kids were nowadays.

Michael had also seen him before but he had never heard him talk.

“He’s late,” Missus Reese mumbled but she wasn’t talking to either of them. She was glancing at her watch and Michael’s stomach sunk again.

Please… please, he had to be nice. This Jack had to be-

The door was thrown open and Michael spun around.

It wasn’t Mister Pattillo, it was a man with dark hair and Michael frowned.

Next to him the quiet boy jumped from his chair to stand and slowly Michael followed him.

The man had his mouth opened to say something but then he didn’t. His eyes flitted from one to the other and then they grew all strange.

Was the other sad? Was it pity?

That didn’t make any sense.

“Hello you three,” the man finally said. He spoke quietly, calmly, and still it made panic flare in Michael’s stomach. He hadn’t greeted Missus Reese first!

It didn’t seem to matter to the stranger, he just slowly stepped closer and then actually crouched down to be on eye level with them.

“Sorry that I’m late,” he continued and his gaze lingered on the quiet boy before wandering to Michael. His eyes were blue and nice and then the other smiled. 

The smile didn’t seem to hold any ill will but Michael had learned not to trust that. This wasn’t his guardian, this meant nothing to him.

“I’m Geoff Ramsey. Welcome to my crew.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it.  
> The end of the kids. I'm a bit emotional...  
> So I am actually taking some fluffy christmas prompts about the babies right now:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/152864808480/fluffmas-list
> 
> Besides that - I thank you guys so very much for sticking with me! This charas really grew on me and I am so happy to be able to share this with you guys!  
> You are the best!


	24. Narzisse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still, the picture in front of him settled something in him, and he relaxed.  
> His office was all the way at the top of their new base as it was supposed to be, with bulletproof windows on one side that went from the floor to the ceiling.  
> Ray stood right there, one hand lightly touching the glass as he looked down to the city that wasn’t quite theirs yet.  
> He had done that a lot back when he had been a child, watching the busy streets for hours as if he needed to memorize them by heart. At one point he had stopped, too fed up with it, and seeing him standing there had something nostalgic to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plays after Novocaine

Narzisse

“Are we higher up than back in Los Santos?” Ray asked behind him, and Geoff looked up from his notes.

He had nearly forgotten that Ray was in his office with him, too deep into work to truly register his boy. They were settling in Achievement City, their new base finally furnished, but the true work only began now. He had to make contacts, dealers for drugs and weapons - had to get their name out there.

Their first heist had to be spectacular, something that people would remember forever and that struck fear into the other crews around the city.

By now they had just began to scratch the surface, but Geoff could already feel the headache forming.

Still, the picture in front of him settled something in him, and he relaxed.

His office was all the way at the top of their new base as it was supposed to be, with bulletproof windows on one side that went from the floor to the ceiling.

Ray stood right there, one hand lightly touching the glass as he looked down to the city that wasn’t quite theirs yet.

He had done that a lot back when he had been a child, watching the busy streets for hours as if he needed to memorize them by heart. At one point he had stopped, too fed up with it, and seeing him standing there had something nostalgic to it.

“A little bit,” Geoff finally answered, and Ray nodded.

He turned away from the window to investigate the office some more, touching the heavy mahogany desk gently as he passed by.

“I always wondered if you were compensating something with that,” he went on, “being this high up and stuff.”

Geoff could only snort, “It’s just easier to assert dominance from above. You’re too short to know what that’s like.”

Ray glared daggers at him, but let it go in order to check out the huge shelf. It took in one complete side of the room and was made out of the same dark wood.

It fit well with the armchairs next to it and the huge globe standing in the corner. It was one of the ones that usually had liquor in it, but Geoff had stored a gun in there.

Achievement City was a new beginning, not only for the crew, but also for him. If it was drinking or a rather classic take on his office.

“I like this office more,” Ray judged. “It feels warmer here. Sometimes plain white reminds me of the Project.”

An uneasiness fell over Geoff, because Ray usually didn’t bring up the Project if he didn’t have to. Even worse was probably the thought of their old home, the white and modern penthouse. What if each time Ray had stepped into something that should be safe and comfortable had reminded him of the Project? “You should have told me,” he said quickly. “We could have change-”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Ray assured him. “I loved the penthouse! Sure, it had white walls but it wasn’t like that. There was light, the sun shone in and you could look at the city.”

He was biting on his lip now, and Geoff leaned back in his chair, focusing completely on him. Something was off here, but he let Ray organize his thoughts first.

“When I was back at the Project together with Ryan it reminded me,” he finally said, and he hadn’t talked about that. It had only been a few minutes, less than an hour, but Geoff had been so scared while he was in there, in the belly of the beast. “The light was always the same. This cold clinical white no matter what time of day it was. There were windows but there was nothing to see. When you brought us to our first base it was like a shock. There were so many colors. Brown and blue and orange. The walls in my room were a pale yellow and the light was warm. I think I sat there for hours just watching the colors.”

He let his fingers travel over the books, their thick spines. Red and purple and green.

“I really loved that yellow. I think it was my favorite color for a long time, and then months later you took me out to get a new rifle and you told me I could chose whatever color I wanted for the paint job.”

“You got a pink one,” Geoff said and couldn’t help but smile. It had been a surprise back then, but Ray had been so happy about it that he had gladly paid the extra fee.

“The brightest color they had! It was such an eyesore!” Ray laughed to himself, but it was forced. He was horribly tense now, pulling books from the shelf just to check them out without any care and putting them back.

Ray wasn’t a fan of reading, never had been. There had been a huge comic book phase, but that had also stopped when he got older. Geoff had tried reading to him before going to bed but that hadn’t quite worked out.

“When Ryan and I were in that building they took us to a room with three people. There was this woman,” he went on slowly, and now Geoff tensed as well. He knew about that. Ryan had took him aside a day or two after they fled Los Santos to warn him about that. About who that had been.

“She was wearing a labcoat with a nametag on it,” Ray continued, “and her voice was… I don’t know. I think I recognized it? I mean I probably knew it from some experiment or so but it felt strange hearing it.”

He stared down at the book in his hand but wasn’t seeing, a frown on his face and Geoff felt his heart slam in his chest.

“Missus Reese said I was made for the Project, that I was especially born for it, and the nametag of the woman read Narvaez, so I figured she’s my mother. I just don’t know what that means.”

Ray shook himself before putting the book back in its rightful place.

“Her eyes were a different color from mine but her skin tone fit. Her lab coat was bright white and I didn’t like that. It’s strange. When I stood there I knew that she was a stranger, someone I probably only met a handful of times, but I asked myself if she was proud of me.”

He looked up now, watching Geoff, and Geoff was transfixed by his eyes. They were dark but oh so curious.

There had always been something thoughtful about them. Ray had been a shy kid, distrustful of everything he didn’t know but so thirsty for knowledge.

“She gave birth to me to be this weapon, to become a Gunslinger, and I made it this far. I was one of the last alive, and I wondered if she was happy about that. Surely she recognized me, knew who I was. I wonder what she was thinking about.”

“She’s dead,” Geoff said. His own voice sounded defensive and he couldn’t quite get it to stop. It made Ray’s lip quirk up.

“I only have this one memory of her. Of being with her in that room, and we didn’t even talk. I wasn’t angry at her, but I think I should have been. I know she’s dead but I’m not sad. I can picture her face now but I don’t feel a thing. Isn’t that strange?” “No.” Geoff stood and walked over to him. Ray’s gaze held his own and there was something shy in it but he held his chin high in defiance.

“She gave birth to you, but that was about it. You don’t have to feel a thing towards her. I can do that for you.” He stopped right in front of him and Ray barely had to look up to him anymore. It made something in his chest tighten. “I can be fucking furious for what she did to you. I can celebrate because that bitch is dead, a bullet straight through her rotten brain, and I can be thankful.” He touched Ray’s hand and the boy blushed. “Thankful because there was enough good in her to make you.”

Ray ducked his head shyly and quickly hid his face in Geoff’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around the boy and held tight, feeling a shiver working through them and couldn’t even tell who of them was shaking.

“She doesn’t have to be proud of you because she didn’t make you. She gave you a body and nothing more. Everything else was your own work,” he whispered, and Ray nodded slowly.

“I have nothing in common with her than some DNA and a name,” he muttered into Geoff’s shirt. “I can’t do something about the first but…”

“But what?”

Ray swallowed and reached up to twist his hands in Geoff’s jacket.

“I don’t want her name anymore.”

Taking a deep breath, Geoff squeezed him a little tighter and closed his eyes. Ray still felt so very small in his arms, like the child from back then, and he wondered if that would ever stop.

But God, he was growing up so damn fast, and Geoff wanted to tell him to slow down but didn’t dare to. Every string Ray snapped with the Project was a good one.

“Okay, Rayray,” he breathed. “If you want that we can do it. Just tell me what last name you want and I’ll make sure we’ll change it as soon a-”

“Ramsey,” Ray blurted out, and Geoff’s eyes flew open. For a moment he stood there, staring down onto such familiar dark hair while Ray tried his best to hide even more in his chest.

When the words finally made sense to him, Geoff felt warmth spread through him.

“If that’s… if that’s okay,” Ray babbled on, still trying to escape his gaze and Geoff could nearly pretend to feel his flushed face heat up. “It’s your choice and if you don- ah!” Geoff pulled Ray’s shoulders, but the boy held on tight, fighting until Geoff could pull him away from him and take a look at him. Ray’s face was bright red but his eyes were big and scared, always fearful of rejection.

“Ray-” he began, but to his surprise the boy interrupted him.

“I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time now,” he said quickly, getting the words out before they locked up again. “And… and she means nothing to me. She is nothing to me! You said that I made myself but… but that isn’t quite true because there was also you! There is so much you in me and that makes me proud of myself. That’s the only thing that I’m fucking proud of and maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t be proud of myself bec-”

“No,” Geoff interrupted him softly. “You have every right to be proud of yourself, Ray.”

Ray frowned, but nodded and reached up to wrap his hands around Geoff’s wrist.

“And I want _your_ name! I want your name because she created me but you… you-” He stumbled over the words, an angry frown on his face as he tried to get them out, but they were finally stuck. All he could do was give an angry stab at his chest, but Geoff understood.

_But you are in here and not this woman. You helped make me who I am._

He let go of Ray’s shoulders to cup his face and press his forehead against his.

“You can have my name,” he assured him and felt Ray breathe out softly. “You can have everything I can give you. All you have to do is ask.”

“I want your name, Geoff,” Ray ensured him. “I don’t want people thinking I belong to her, I want people to know that I belong to you!”

“Anything for you,” Geoff whispered and closed his eyes. He didn’t need to see right now. “I’ll take care of it right away.”

“Thank you…”

 

 

**Narzisse [german] //**

Daffodil

Language of Flowers:

_Narcissism; vanity_

_Rebirth; the power to overcome darkness_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story is actually all said and done but I'm neck deep into NaNoWriMo and I had this still lying around. I figured some of you might enjoy it.
> 
> I will upload my new story 'Fiction' soon!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Alignment](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7325743) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)
  * [Echo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7325800) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)
  * [Late Nights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7687930) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)
  * [Pinky Promise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7687978) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)
  * [Bittersweet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6933289) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)
  * [Early Mornings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719903) by [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer)




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